Get started with the 52-week Savings Challenge

 The most common question I get is "how do I start saving?" 

Initially, it used to take me aback because I thought, saving is easy: You commit to put aside a part of your income to help you achieve a goal that is valuable to you. Easy? Not that easy, as I have learnt during the four years I have spent building and running an online personal finance and entrepreneurship community. 

If you also wonder how you can start saving, here are some thoughts to get you started. 

1. Start with a goal. What are you saving for? Take some time to think about it. Write down all the things that are important and valuable to you, and what you want your money to do for you. Then prioritise based on your needs and choose one priority goal to start with.

2. How much do you want to save and how often? This will be determined by your income, income cycle, and your life circumstances. Choose an amount that is realistic and doable for you and a frequency that is realistic. For instance, if you earn a monthly salary, you might choose to save 10 per cent of your income every month, instead of trying to save daily or weekly. 

3. Where do you want to save? There are many options for savings accounts, depending on the needs you expect the account to meet. For instance, some people prefer to save on their Mshwari or KCB Mpesa mobile phone savings accounts, because they can easily transfer savings from their Mpesa wallets to their mobile savings accounts. Others will choose a savings account in a Sacco or bank. My preferred method is a money market fund, as it gives one the option of earning compound interest. Think about your needs and think about which savings account best fits your needs. 

4. Start saving and keep doing it consistently. Put in your initial savings and keep savings consistently, in accordance to your set frequency/saving schedule. The best way to ensure that you stay consistent, is to automate your savings using a standing order from your current/salary account to your savings account or ask your employer to have your savings deducted at payroll, and remitted to a savings account. Automating your savings ensures that you save without having to debate with yourself about it. It happens automatically, no stress. 

5. Get an accountability partner and check in with them regularly, to help you stay on track. Also have money dates with yourself every month to review your progress, troubleshoot challenges and make any adjustments that you need.

6. Seek guidance for the obstacles that are standing between you and your goals. 

7. Celebrate once you reach your target, and use the savings to achieve your goal.

Many people like to use a savings challenge chart to guide them for a start or to visualise and keep record of their progress. You can download savings charts by clicking on the links below: 

• Daily savings chart (blank)  for people who prefer to save daily
• Weekly savings chart (blank) for people who prefer to save weekly
• Weekly savings chart (Sh10) - the amount to save increases every week
• Weekly savings chart (Sh50) - the amount to save increases every week
• Weekly savings chart (Sh100) - the amount to save increases every week
• Monthly savings chart (blank) for people who prefer to save monthly
• Monthly savings chart (Sh6,000)
• Monthly savings chart (Sh11,500)

All the best as you work towards your goal and happy saving! If you have difficulties downloading the chart, please send a message on WhatsApp by clicking this link https://wa.me/message/7URPYRDSQC4E1

12 tricks to help you save and reach your financial goals faster

There is always an opportunity to save money to help you reach your goals faster. Here are some tricks you can use to help you save a little bit more if you are having difficulties finding money to save or in addition to your regular savings schedule 

1. Save automatically before you spend. 

When you get your income, before you do anything else, deduct your savings and put them into a savings account. To make it even easier, set up a check-off system from your employer (payroll department) to a money market fund or Sacco savings account or set up a standing order from your current/salary account to a savings account so that money is deducted automatically from your main account and transferred to your savings account before you touch it. Saving automatically is the best way to save without a struggle. 

For those who pay income tax (pay as you earn/PAYE), doesn’t the government take off 30% or so before you even touch your salary? And after the government and NHIF, NSSF, insurance, loans and everyone else has taken their cut, they leave the rest to you and you learn how to budget around it. Why not include yourself in the group of people who get their cut first, before you distribute what is left to your landlord, school and all those other people who are waiting for a chunk of your income? 

If you say that you will save after you have finished paying the bills, you will never have any money left to save, so prioritise and automate your savings. 

2. Save your loose change. At the end of every day, I empty my purse and divide the various coin denominations I find in there into two. For example all 10 bobs are put into two piles, then all 20 bobs and all 5 bobs. The first pile goes back into my purse, and the second pile goes into the piggy bank I use for saving coins. When it fills up, I top up if I need to and transfer it to my money market fund account.

 

3. Save all 50 bobs or all 100 bobs that pass through your hands. Just like in (2) above, you can decide to save all the Sh50 or Sh100 or any other denomination of your choice that pass through your wallet. 

4. When you finish paying off a loan, don't stop. What do I mean? Take that money you've been paying a loan with and set up an automatic standing order to a savings account or set up a check-off system to a money market fund. So say you've been paying Sh5, 500 for a loan every month and you have just finished paying your loan, instead of finding ways to spend that Sh5, 500, start saving it, preferably using an automatic standing order or check-off system. If you save that Sh5, 500 you used to pay your now paid-up loan with for 12 months, you will have Sh66, 000 to help you reach your savings goals faster. 

5. Save your salary increment. If you get a raise (salary increment) at work, instead of adjusting your budget/lifestyle upwards to absorb that money, continue living on the same amount you were living on before (as if you are still earning the old salary) and save the extra amount your employer has given you. So say you get a Sh6, 000 raise, you can set up a standing order to save that money automatically and in 12 months, you’d have Sh72, 000 in savings. This is the same principle in number (4) above. 

6. The same applies to if you “find” money. Finding money means getting money you were not expecting, such as a refund, a discount, reimbursement of costs by your employer, or even finding a Sh1, 000 note in a trouser pocket you had forgotten long ago. Instead of using that money, put it directly into your savings account without second thought. 

7. Save your lunch money. Carry lunch to work a few days a week and save your lunch money. For instance, if you usually buy lunch at work for Sh300, you can decide that on Mondays and Thursdays you will carry lunch from home, so that week, you save Sh600 and put it into your savings account. You could decide to carry lunch three days a week, so that week you'll save Sh900. You could decide to carry lunch the whole week, so that week you'll save Sh1,500 or more.

 

8. Save your fuel. You could do the same with your car. If public transport is cheaper than using your car, you could decide that three days a week, you'll take a matatu home and save the amount you would have spent on fuel on those three days. You could also decide that that whole week, you'll take a matatu and put the amount of money you would have used on fuel into your savings. 

9. Do a spending fast. In religious circles, to fast is to abstain from food/eating for a specified period of time during which one says fervent prayers for a specific purpose. You can apply this principle to personal finance to help you save. This is basically the principle behind point (5) and (6) above and it basically means cutting off everything that you don’t need to survive and saving the money that you would normally use on the non-essentials. 

To be able to do a proper spending fast, you have to first know where exactly all your money is going -- every last coin -- so first track your expenses for a month and then evaluate what you actually need (essentials/things that you honestly cannot live without) and things you can actually do without. 

Once you see where exactly your money is going, you can cut back on the non-essentials and the money you save by not spending, should go directly to your savings account. This could mean carrying lunch instead of buying lunch every day (if you carry lunch from home for a full month, and you usually spend Sh300 on lunch every day, you’ll be able to save Sh6, 000 or more that month. Put it into your savings account). You can also cut back on coffee and alcohol, you won’t die without them (unless you are addicted). Say you spend Sh3, 000 on alcohol every weekend, if you decide to reduce that amount to Sh1, 000, you will save Sh8, 000 that month. If you decide to do an alcohol-free month, you will save Sh12, 000 that month. You can even decide to do without DSTV for a month, you won’t die from not watching pay TV. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have fun; saving is not all gloom and doom; on the contrary, if you learn how to optimise your spending, you will not only have more fun and less stress, but you will also be able to achieve those things you only used to dream about, but thought that you could never afford them. 

Secondly, if you do your spending in moderation and do your spending fast for limited periods of time (rather than forever -- that would make you a miserable miser), you will find money to boost your savings. (We’ll talk about having fun while still being able to save in another post.) 

10. Carry only the exact amount of money you need. This goes hand-in-hand with the spending fast. So say my fare is usually constant at Sh200 for the trip to work and back and I use Sh200 for lunch, that day I will carry exactly Sh400 in my purse or Sh500. I will make sure that my Mpesa balance is zero (and resist the temptation to opt into Fuliza), that my bank accounts are not linked with mobile money, so I can’t transact from my phone, that I don’t carry ATM cards, etc. This means that even if I am tempted to buy things on impulse, I simply cannot because I don’t have any money on me to spend. (We’ll tackle impulse buying in another post). 

11. Round it up. When you buy something and the cost does not end in 0 (zero), save the amount of money it would take to get the cost to end with 0 (zero). For example, if you buy something costing Sh42, put the 8 bob change in a piggy bank or transfer an equivalent amount to your Mshwari Lock account. If you use a piggy bank, when it fills up, you can transfer the full amount to your savings account or money market fund. 

12. Lastly, make it difficult to access your savings. A savings account without a debit card (ATM withdrawal card) and with limited withdrawals, is best. I have a Sacco savings account that only allows you to withdraw money at the end of the year. 

I have a money market fund account where withdrawing money takes like three days and where the first withdrawal is free, but subsequent withdrawals are charged Sh1,000 per withdrawal. 

When I think of paying Sh1,000 to withdraw, I just let my savings be unless I have actually accumulated the exact amount I need to meet a certain goal, then I can withdraw and pay for my goal without feeling the pinch. So do whatever it takes to create a barrier between you and your savings, to make it hard for you to withdraw your savings anyhow and any time. You are saving for a purpose and you cannot achieve your financial goals if at all you can withdraw your savings randomly to buy things on a whim. 

I hope these tips help you save more money, and if there are additional tips you use, please share in the comments. Happy saving! 

*These tips were first shared in the 52-Week Savings Challenge Kenya in 2016

Affordable housing in Kenya: How it's going to work

The government plans to build 500,000 houses as part of it's affordable housing project. According to the affordable housing portal (Boma Yangu), this is how it is going to work.

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Kenyans will register and state the kind of house they want and in which county on the affordable housing portal. Right now the registration is to gauge interest and assess needs (what kind of houses people want).

Once you register, you'll get a unique identification number to use to make monthly contributions to the Housing Fund, managed by the National Housing Corporation (NHC).

Making contributions

You can make your contribution as:

1.   Statutory contributor – This is the mandatory contribution deducted by your employer from your salary (1.5%) and submitted to the Housing Fund every month. Contributions are capped at Sh2,500 per employee and employer per month.
2. Voluntary contributor – If you choose this option, you can contribute as much or as little as you want. You can withdraw these funds after five years for housing related activities or after 15 years or upon reaching retirement age (65 years). Your contribution will not be taxed at the time of withdrawal. If you choose to make voluntary contributions, you will not be able to access your money at any time. You will be subject to withdrawal rules (after five years for housing-related projects or after 15 years or retirement age).
3.  Joint contributors – This option allows you to make a contribution towards one house at a time with your husband or wife, but you can each choose to contribute individually. You can also do this jointly with other people towards one house. If you apply jointly, your incomes will be assessed jointly and the title of the house will be issued in the name of all the joint applicants.

You can monitor your contributions on the portal. If your income changes, the contribution made towards the Housing Fund will adjust proportionately to reflect the change.

Will my contributions earn interest?

Your contributions will earn a return every year, which will be announced based on the Housing Fund’s performance.

Allocation of houses

Allocation of houses will start when construction begins. Civil servants, the police and other members of the disciplined forces will get the first right to 30 per cent and 20 per cent of all available housing units, with the rest going to other Kenyans. The allocations will be computerised (done by an algorithm that sifts through profiles in the portal to prioritise those who need the affordable house most). If you don’t get allocated a house in the initial allocation, you will be put on a waiting list and given priority in the next allocation round. You can only buy one house under the affordable housing plan.

Factors to be considered in allocation:

1. When you registered (first come, first served)
2. Your income
3.  Family status (families will get preference)
4. Vulnerable groups
5. How much deposit you’ve accumulated through monthly contributions
6. Your assets
7.  Demand for your preferred type of house

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What kind of house do I qualify for?

The affordable housing scheme targets people in the following income groups (low and middle-income or people who earn less than Sh100,000 per month). The kind of house you qualify for will be based on your income.  

1.  Social housing – Kenyans who earn up to Sh19,999
2.  Low-cost housing – Kenyans who earn between Sh20,000 and Sh49,999
3. Mortgage gap – Kenyans who earn between Sh50,000 and Sh100,000

Those who earn less than Sh20,000 per month will be offered three options:

1.  One-room house at a cost of Sh600,000
2. Two-roomed house at a cost of Sh1 million
3. Three-roomed house at a cost of Sh1.35 million

Those who earn between Sh20,000 and Sh150,000 per month, will also get three options:

1.  One bedroom house (30 square feet) at a cost of Sh1 million
2.  Two bedroom house (40 square feet) at a cost of Sh2 million
3. Three bedroom house (60 square feet) at a cost of Sh3 million

You will be advised on the projected monthly rent-to-own payments based on the 3% to 7% per annum interest rates.

To ensure that those who qualify for social housing are the actual beneficiaries of the houses being built for them, the government plans to verify and register them in their communities. If there is more demand than supply for social housing, those who need affordable housing more will get priority.

How will I pay for the house?

Eligible Kenyans (those who earn less than Sh100,000) can buy the houses through the National Tenant Purchase Scheme (a rent-to-own model). What this means is that once you are allocated a house, you will be living in the house and paying “rent”, but in this case, that money goes towards owning that house, such that once you have paid for the full cost of the house, it belongs to you and you can stop paying rent. The mortgage or home loan will be offered at a fixed interest rate of 3% to 7% per year over a 25-year period. This means that your “rent” will not change/in the 25 years you take to pay for the house.

Monthly costs (service charge)

Apart from the monthly rent-to-own payments, you will also be required to pay an affordable service charge to a company contracted to maintain the facilities including the common areas and to fund major repairs of the housing complex. You will continue to pay the service charge long after you have finished to pay for the house.

What happens to those who earn above Sh100,000?

If you don’t fall within the above income groups (you earn more than Sh100,000), you will contribute to the Housing Fund (remember there are mandatory contributions for those who are employed, and you can also do voluntary contributions), but because you are not eligible to be allocated an affordable housing unit, you will have access to cheaper home loans from banks and Saccos through funding from the government’s Kenya Mortgage Refinance Company (KMRC).

You can also get your contributions after five years and use them for other housing-related activities, such as a deposit (down payment) for a mortgage, mortgage repayment or to improve your house.

 If you don’t claim your savings for housing-related activities, you can get them back after 15 years or upon attainment of retirement age. So say you earn Sh100,000 a month and you pay Sh1,500 a month (1.5%) for the Housing Fund, in five years you will have contributed Sh90,000 and in 15 years you will have contributed Sh270,000 (if your income doesn’t change).

If you contribute Sh2,500 a month, in five years you will have contributed Sh150,000, and in 15 years you will have contributed Sh450,000.

Tax relief

Those registered on the affordable housing portal are eligible for tax credit/relief equivalent to the amount contributed or the lower tax payable, up to a maximum of Sh9,000 per month. Self-employed Kenyans who are registered on the portal will also get tax relief, and both mandatory and voluntary contributions will get tax relief. For the employed, the deductions and tax relief will be handled at payroll. For the self-employed, you will get your tax credit when filing your taxes. First-time home owners/buyers will not pay stamp duty.

Who is building the houses?

The houses will be built by private developers, who will then sell them to the government, which will then offer the houses to Kenyans registered on the affordable housing portal. The government will provide land for building the houses, including in the counties, build access roads and the transport network, and set up infrastructure (electricity and water and sewerage). The housing portal will help in automated identification of the buyers.

Upcoming projects will be announced on the housing portal, in the newspapers, on radio and in Huduma Centre.

Rural areas

The government will support homeowners in rural areas to improve the homes they live in or to build new ones using locally-available quality building materials such as stabilised soil blocks. Already, 92 Appropriate Building Technology (ABT) centres have been constructed across the country, with a plan to have one in every constituency, then one in every ward across Kenya. Staff at these centres will offer technical assistance and equipment to members of the public to improve the quality of their houses. There will be Matofali machines, which are used for the manufacture of stabilised soil blocks, for hire. TVET colleges will also train members of the public on how to use cost-effective and environmentally-sustainable building technologies and how to modernise construction practices while preserving cultural values. Kenyans living in rural areas can apply for funding from the Housing Fund at 7% interest rate.

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Can I get a house if I don’t have a regular income?

Yes, but you have to prove that you are able to make regular monthly loan payments.

What if I am unable to pay the monthly payments?

The payment terms are designed to be affordable and flexible, geared towards helping you secure your home. However, every case will be looked at on a case by case basis. The government will engage insurance companies to develop home insurance products to cover home owners/buyers against losing their home if they lose their income/job. The cover will pay all or part of the monthly mortgage payment for a limited time, if a person loses their job involuntarily or if they lose income due business disruption, disability, hospitalisation, death.

Can I sell my house?

You will have to wait for eight years before you are allowed to sell the house. If you want to sell it before eight years have lapsed, you can only sell it back to the Housing Fund and retain the equity build-up i.e. the amount of your home you actually own, based on the amount of money you have already paid for it.

What happens if I die?

The house can be transferred to your next of kin.

For more information log on to:

 http://bomayangu.go.ke

http://www.housingandurban.go.ke/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Development-Framework-Guidelines-Release-Version.pdf

Life after trauma: The suspicious carjacker

Last night I left work late and made my way to the bus stop with a friend.


We got into a bus that was filling up fast, but finding no joint vacant seats, our plans to seat together were foiled. I sat at the rear of the bus, in the second-last seat, next to a slender guy in a charcoal-gray shirt and gray pinstripe pants with a swelling at the crotch.


The jovial men on the back seat were chatting animatedly, and deciding that they didn’t “look suspicious”, I turned to the pair of seats on my right. On the aisle seat was a petite girl, while the window seat was filled by a heavy, pot-bellied man. They exchanged knowing glances furtively, looking forward to the night ahead.


Satisfied that they also didn’t “look suspicious” I relaxed some more and sunk back into my seat. The bus had tinted windows and a luggage carrier above the seats that made it too dark for my liking, but the blue light from a long, thin bulb on the right side of the bus offered some comfort. But not enough to forget the guy in the seat beside me.


I trained my eyes on my seatmate. He was breathing suspiciously. Short, fast breaths, as if his heart was racing with excitement and his veins flowing with a rush of adrenaline fueled by what he was about to do. He formed a mean, angry scowl that forecast ill-intent. Was he angry at the world and itching to avenge himself for all the ways it had failed him? His eyes darted back and forth and in and out of the bus.


I was overcome with a sense of foreboding, and it didn’t help that the bus was hurtling down the clear road, as if on steroids. I suspected that it was fueled by the muzzle of a gun sticking into the driver’s side, held by the man sitting next to him in the cabin – my seatmate’s accomplice.


Resigned to my fate, I wished that I had carried pepper spray. Then I decided that whatever my seatmate was up to, he would not catch me unawares. I would stare at him brazenly, taking in his entire being and imprinting his photograph in the fore of my mind. I wanted him to know that I knew what he was up to. My eyes followed his every move. I watched him clench and unclench his fidgety hands, noticed when he clasped and unclasped them, and took in the folding and unfolding. Then he slid his right hand down and reached into his pocket.


Was this it?


I watched intently as he drew out a thin, dark object.


It was a phone! A mulika mwizi with a neon green backlight.


I sighed.


He looked at the screen and typed something on the keypad.


Now, this must be it. It was time and he was sending a signal to his accomplices.


My friend alighted.


I was tempted to alight with her and take a taxi home, but I wasn’t sure I would get one … and the price would probably be inflated. I thought of moving seats. Moving to the empty seat that my friend had just vacated, but as I toyed with my thoughts, someone else sunk into it. I was stuck.


The bus was still hurtling down the road suspiciously. We flew past two black spots and then a police road block. Maybe there was nothing there. Maybe I was just being paranoid.


I wanted to fish out my phone, to send a message to the world that I was scared. But that might work against me. It was best not to use it. I remembered the valuables in my bag and tried to figure out how I would hide them.


I thought about how my seatmate would brandish a gun and ask for my bag. How I would hesitate to buy time, enough time to hide my treasures. But where would I hide them? Maybe I could talk some sense into him ...


If anything happened, this guy would kill me. I had studied him too closely, so blatantly. I imagined him sinking a knife into my neck; the blood gushing out as I reached for his neck to strangle him in return.


I had nowhere to hide. A wistful smile formed on my lips. I should have alighted when I first noticed he was suspicious. I should have alighted with my friend. I should have taken a cab home. But here I was. Maybe I was being paranoid, but who could blame me?


Suddenly he moved. I made way for him to pass.


Was this it? Was he finally taking position before he struck?


I watched as he made his way to the front of the bus. I was ready. I had been waiting for this moment all night.


The bus stopped.


He alighted, throwing me off with this twist in the tale.


As the bus swung back onto the road, I looked at my (former) seatmate one last time, glad that he was now outside. He still had that mean scowl on his face, angry at the world and full of ill-intent.


It didn’t matter anymore. I was home and my imaginary carjacker was gone.

What you need to know about WhatsApp import groups

By MJC

If you have been on Facebook for a while, you may have noticed an influx of WhatsApp import groups. These groups are formed to get many people together to import few pieces of merchandise each collectively, so as to attain minimum order quantity (MOQ). Coming together to import goods in this manner has helped a lot of people who are starting out with little capital, and who can’t meet the MOQ by themselves.

However, having been a member of many such groups, there are a few negative aspects I have noted as explained below: 

1. The buying price and/or shipping charges might be slightly or grossly inflated. The founders/admins of these groups are more often than not, doing it to make money. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but most act like they are doing it from the goodness of their heart, when in fact they are there to make money out of it. They make money by slightly or grossly inflating the buying price as well as the shipping charges. Not forgetting pesa ya kutoa that you will add as you send the money via Mpesa.

2. Quality is not guaranteed. Most of the admins of these groups do not first get samples of the items to check quality. So sometimes you will get very poor quality items and you the member, will just have to take the loss –  a huge one if you dared make a large order.

3. There might be no compensation for items lost before they get to you. If an item is lost whether at the point of being packed by the supplier, in transit or at arrival shauri yako! There may be no compensation for you. And if compensated it either takes a long time to get the compensation or you are compensated with something totally different from what you wanted.

4. Dishonesty. Like I said most people who come up with these groups (the admins) are there to make money, which they won't tell you. The intense kind of work that's needed when putting together these group orders simply cannot be done for free. You will pay for it in one way or another. Some will combine different shipments and charge the group for the whole shipment yet the group’s merchandise was only a part of the shipment. Some will use the money you pay them for something else and then pay for your items much later. This means your items will arrive months late because the money for your items was diverted to other things. Which is not so bad if you are buying for personal consumption, but detrimental if you are buying for business because by the time you get your items, the market will likely be saturated with the “unique” item that your WhatsApp group ordered.

5. Poor customer service. In some groups you will be treated very poorly. If you question anything you feel is off you will be berated, sometimes even insulted. Some admins don't even answer your questions within the group or if you contact them directly.

6. Con men. There are a few con men and women who have managed to swindle people out of their money using these import groups. I have seen it in two groups.

7. Undisclosed storage fees. Some of the admins  of the import groups don't have shops in town (Nairobi CBD) which means they have to store items in other people's shops who then charge you daily storage fees. The longer you take to pick your items, the higher the storage fee you pay. So, if you take several days to pick your consignment you may end up having paid retail prices for the items after including storage fees in the mark-up, which means you can’t sell your items at a competitive price. Often you are given a day or two to pick your items before storage charges start to apply, but in some cases, the charges apply from the first day.

8. Herd mentality that makes you buy worthless or hard-to-sell products. It's normal human behaviour to gravitate towards things that seem to be popular. But take your time to actually research about that popular product, check if there is a market for it before you order several pieces that you will be stuck with.

 I did encounter a group where the admin was very honest, was kind enough to teach us the process of importing for ourselves, did not inflate prices, made sure everyone got their order,  so there is still hope you may yet find a group that's a good fit. (Unfortunately she quit group orders after a couple of times. I told you the work involved is too intense to be free).

In conclusion, WhatsApp import groups can be of great help, but you have to go in with your eyes wide open. Be ready for all the things I've listed.

• Demand for accountability and better customer care because contrary to what the admins of these groups want you to believe, it is a business and you are their customer.
• Research and know the wholesale prices for the items you want. This is easy especially if you are importing from China. Go to Alibaba and contact a few suppliers and they will give you quotations that you can use to compare with what your WhatsApp import group admin is offering.

Diary of a retrenched woman

"Are you happy?" I asked myself.

"I know I'm not sad, but what is happiness?" I answered pensively.

Happiness is a feeling of contentment, resilience (knowing that you can bounce back), hope and optimism, came the answer from deep in the bowels of my heart.

With this in mind, I was no longer unsure about my happiness or lack thereof.

"Yes, I am happy!" I beamed.

And this is my mantra for 2017. 

Last year's mantra was: 

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." ~ Christopher Morley 

And I'm keeping it close this year because it still rings true and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.


Photo | Pixabay

Being fired/retrenched doesn't define me. 

I have always been a hardworking and passionate employee. My work ethic is admirable. I have always done my best and given my all in everything I do. Everything I do is well-thought-out and that won't change because I was fired. It is who I am and I can't do less. 

Being retrenched/jobless doesn't define me. My work appraisals have always been in the very good to excellent category. That won't change just because I'm jobless at the moment. Being kicked out of work doesn't mean I have nothing to offer; in fact, it has opened my eyes to the many things I actually have to offer, things that I couldn't quite see before when my eyes were stuck on my job, and they are much more than I can count. As one of my friends reminded me, the world is my oyster and I have so many options to choose from. 

I am not as young as I used to be, but there is a decade or two before I get to the official retirement age of 60, and slow down to enjoy the fruits of my lifelong labour, so I'm not old either. Obviously, I can't stay idle for decades, unless I choose to remain idle, so I'll find something useful to do. I just pray for humility because pride can be a major impediment to progress. 

I hope to remember to shut out any whispers from people who say all sorts of unsupportive/unhelpful things which can either take my eyes off the goal or bring me down completely. I pray for humility, strength and courage to get in the trenches and do the dirty work even though people laugh and say that what I'm doing is beneath what a "person of my stature" should be doing. I really do pray for humility because it is one of the first stepping stones of success, whatever I define it to be. 

Obviously being jobless changes a lot of things. Some relationships dissipate because the only thing that was holding you together (work) is gone. 

I remember Bitange Ndemo talking about the loneliness that followed the end of his stint as a Permanent Secretary. A phone that was always ringing off the hook, now remained silent for days on end. People no longer had reason to call him. 

I understand that a lot of things might change, but as my friend Lillian keeps telling me, don't take it personally. I'm listening, so no matter what happens or changes for the worse or the better, I won't take it personally. I'm not taking the job loss personally, and I won't take all the things that happened before this and those that will happen after this personally. 

The initial shock has worn off. My family and friends have been very helpful and supportive offline and online, and so has been my doctor, a psychiatrist, (whom I can no longer afford). They have helped me keep things in perspective and offered very useful advice in the midst of the initial confusion. I see a very bright future ahead, and I'm glad that I have so many things to do despite the fact that I am not going to anyone's formal office anymore.

27th January.

Money mistakes beginners make in business and in life

photo | pexels.com

By Steve Umeme

Financial discipline is fundamental for any individual and business, yet it can be as challenging as it is rewarding. Read these money mistakes that rookies make that we should all avoid.

#Money Mistake 1:
Never borrow money that accrues interest to start a business (except if you are paying for it through your salary); only borrow to grow your business. This is because business takes a long time to gain ground and begin making profit, yet most loans repayments have to be made within a month of taking the loan or even earlier. Therefore, never borrow money to start a business expecting that the business will generate income to pay back the borrowed money plus the interest.

#Money Mistake 2:
Never spend money you haven't received. Don't even promise someone money based on a promise you have from someone else. If someone tells you: "Ezra, come to my office tomorrow at 9am and pick Sh30K"don't go out to buy items on credit based on this promise, with the hope that you will pay off your creditor when the promised money comes; it may not come as promised and this will leave you in problems with your creditors.

#Money Mistakes 3:
If you want to save, whenever you receive money, don’t start spending hoping that you’ll save what remains. Normally what remains is zero because as long as money to spend is available, the numerous things you can spend it on are also available. And things to spend on even incite their 'relatives' so that you spend even more than you had planned. When money to spend is not available, we naturally find a way of doing without it. That's why I've learnt to save with an INVESTMENT CLUB. Once I send money there I assume I no longer have it. Before you spend any money, put your savings aside then spend what is left after saving.

#Money Mistake 4:
When you get an opportunity to meet a very wealthy person, never ask for money. Ask for ideas on how to make money. They may even choose to give you money on their own after seeing that your ideas are great, but let getting money from them never be your objective.

#Money Mistake 5:
Keeping your seed instead of planting it. Many people stop at saving. It's very, very difficult to save and have all you need to maintain your lifestyle especially after retirement. When you save, your savings are seed; plant it. When you just keep the seed (saving money) some seeds begin to die (eaten by inflation and the like). That's why I recommend that you read about the different types of investment vehicles you can use to grow your savings. I am not necessarily talking about putting the money in a business, because you can easily lose money in  business. I am talking about putting it in an investment.

#Money Mistake 6:
Never lend someone money you are not willing to lose. By the time you lend someone money, be contented in your heart that should the person fail to pay, you will not die. You should not even lose that person's friendship if they fail to repay the money you lent them. If you feel the person might fail to pay you and this will not affect your relationship with them, then lend them money. If their failure to pay would make you hate this person’s entire clan, please advise the person to go to the bank.

#Money Mistake 7:
Never append your signature to guarantee someone on a financial matter if you are not willing or able to pay the money on their behalf. Do I have to explain that one? No, it's self-explanatory.

#Money Mistake 8:
Avoid keeping money you don't intend to use in the short-term within easy reach. For instance, don’t walk with Sh100K in your pocket when all you plan to do in a day costs Sh20K. Like I mentioned in Money Mistake 3, there are always expenses available to gobble any money that is within reach, so if you don't want to lose it, put it away in a safe place.

#Money Mistake 9:
Avoid keeping money in inappropriate places e.g. in socks, under the pillow, in a pit, in the sitting room, in the bra, in a travel bag that you will place somewhere in a bus ... impulse buying is a devil that will keep you busy!

#Money Mistake 10:
Spending money on an item that you can do without (at least for the time being). These days when I pick money from my pocket or wallet, before paying for something I ask myself: What would happen if I didn’t buy this? If I find I can live with the consequences of not having that thing, I smile and walk away.

#Money Mistake 11:
Paying an amount for something that's not the minimum you can get that same value for. In other words, if you are along Tom Mboya Street and you pay Sh5K for a shoe that you can get at Sh3K at Muthurwa, that's a money mistake except for those who have achieved financial freedom.

#Money Mistake 12:
Wanting to be the savior of the world by helping everyone in financial need. My sister, my brother,  you are not Jesus. If you find it so hard to say no to a financial demand, you may think you are practising generosity when in actual sense you are committing (financial) suicide. We are not learning to be miserable here; we are learning to live within the boundaries of reality.

#Money Mistake 13:
Consistently spending all you earn or more than you earn. It's like having a drum where you have an inlet that's smaller than the outlet. It will never get full. And should the inlet ever reduce significantly the drum will run dry. If you do it the other way round and the inlet is bigger, it will get full and even overflow. Hence, we have to always ensure we are widening the inlet while narrowing the outlet – all the time. Your side hustle comes in handy!

#Money Mistake 14:
Thinking about short-term only and forgetting about long-term or thinking about the long-term and forgetting about the short-term. For instance, Lydia was told that there's money in land. She saved money over a long period of time and bought 30 acres of land. Now she has the land but she is always broke. She is always complaining. She's disgruntled and she doesn't seem to see herself earning from the land in the near future. Now, let's ask ourselves: Having 30 acres of land and no money to feed your family or take a child to hospital, is that wealth or poverty? I think Lydia only looked at long-term needs and forgot that she has short-term needs that require money. What of those who find they are one paycheck away from salary? Are they thinking about the long-term needs?

Let’s take stock of our finances. How many mistakes are you guilty of? Do you now feel better-equipped to do better with these tips? Good luck, savers! Share this knowledge with your friends because it will not benefit you if you are selfish with it.

Steve Umeme, BBA, CPAK, CFIP, is a seasoned auditor, risk analyst and personal finance coach. He blogs at http://steveumeme.blogspot.co.ke/

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Depression diaries: The thing that is eating me

"Mental illness is not a brand that you wear. It doesn’t scar you (unless you self-harm, of course, in which case you, like I, have carefully hidden the evidence). It isn’t visible, it isn’t something you can easily spot. Partly because when I’m really, really ill, I won’t be there for you to see.” – Joely Black

Photo | Pixabay.com

When I came across this piece by Joely Black on Medium, that articulates what it’s like to have depression so well, I remembered my own account, which I had put down in an outburst one morning when I was starting to feel better, and a trigger jolted me to put down the multitude of thoughts about suffering from depression, that I now suddenly had energy to articulate. I wrote and wrote a note on my phone, until my mind was empty, then I saved it and made a note to return to it later when I got another burst of inspiration, enough to divide it into sections and put it up on my blog in a series of posts.

That was never to be: A thief stole my phone and with it my story. I never did get another urge to articulate what it’s like to be depressed until yesterday. I have the momentum now, but the story will come much later, when it is ready.

The first thing you learn when you get depressed is that nobody understands what you are going through and because of their ignorance, and in a bid to help, they make recommendations about what you should do to be "un-depressed." The most common is: It’s all in your mind. Just think positive thoughts and you’ll be okay.” I’ll tell you for free that when you are depressed, no amount of positive thinking will make you feel better. You can spend a full 24 hours trying to think positive thoughts and proclaiming positive affirmations, but they’ll do nothing for you.

 Here are some other things that people tell you when you have depression that won’t help:

Things not to tell a person with depression or other mental illnesses (with the help of Joely's article):
 

Photo | pixabay.com

1. “Have you tried meditation? You totally should! It works like magic!”

2. “You need to take [insert vitamin] and [insert supplement]. They’re great for depression.”

3. “Exercise is great for mental health. I run every day and I feel fantastic. You should try it”

4. “When I feel a bit down, I do yoga. Do yoga and you'll be fine.”

5. "It's all in your mind. Just snap out of it. Just think positive thoughts and you'll be okay."

6. "What you need is to read the Bible and pray and maybe go for exorcism and you'll be fine. These things are spiritual ..."

Again I’ll tell you for free that I pumped my body with vitamins; in the early days I tried to exercise, before chronic fatigue got the better of me. I tried to meditate, I went to church, went for counselling and prayers ... I tried positive thoughts, I tried everything I could to feel better, that is everything except yoga, but I didn’t.

 I was in constant despair. I was continually exhausted. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t talk. I didn’t even want to. Not even to listen to someone talking -- it was all very exhausting. I just wanted to sleep it all away, to have a blackout that would take away the pain that I felt inside. I was numb. Keeping my head above the water every day was a constant struggle. I was drowning. And I only started out on the right path when I had a breakdown one morning that saw me admitted to hospital for a few days. There, I finally got introduced to the one thing that would work, the one thing that would drive the depression away: treatment.

A lot of people don’t understand that depression is an illness. I didn’t understand that too, or rather, I fought that thought. Surely, doing all those things that people recommended would make me better, not so? I was just feeling down, so if I did all the right things, the clouds would be lifted and I would feel better, right? How wrong I (and every other well-meaning person) was!

Depression is an illness just like malaria and it cannot be wished away. You can’t wave a magic wand on depression and boom, it goes away. If someone told you they had malaria, you wouldn’t say to them, “just take a multivitamin, think positive and exercise and you’ll be healed.” Instead, you’d tell them to go to hospital and adhere to the treatment and the doctor’s direction. Then and only then, would you prescribe prayers and Bible verses, after all, faith/prayer that is not accompanied by action is dead, right?

So why is it different for depression? Why do we assume we can fix depression, an illness, without proper treatment? Treatment in itself is another process, and I only started to get better after more than two years of treatment (that’s another story altogether). And the minute I started to feel better after following a treatment regimen for what felt like ages, that was when it dawned on me that depression is truly an illness and treatment works.

Treatment for depression is multi-pronged, combining medication, lifestyle habits and cognitive therapy among many other approaches. And when it comes to treating depression, one size doesn’t fit all, you have to keep at it, keep fighting it even without energy, keep trying something until it works.

Before then, like Joely says, I wore a mask when going out. I sucked it in and tried to act like everything was fine when it was not. I didn’t want to be outside the confines of my bedroom. Every time I stepped out of my house, all I could think about is how many more hours until I retreat to my cave again? I didn’t want to go out and did not go out unless it was absolutely necessary, like if I had to go to work.

 If anybody asked why I wasn’t showing up, I’d tell them I wasn’t feeling well and that would usually suffice and if they insisted, I’d tell them it was my head – I had a severe headache, if they pressed, – and that would be it. I didn’t want people to know I was depressed because first, a lot of people don’t understand depression, and second, while trying to be useful, they end up being very unhelpful and third, they wouldn’t know how to handle you. But now that I am better, I can speak about it, and I will resume re-writing my depression story. It is quite long, but I’ll do it in bite-size pieces.

Why pharmacists are not good people

The other day I went to buy a prescription-only drug at one of the "cheapest" or rather, most affordable/cost-effective pharmacies in the city. I happened to have been in town early enough, and I decided to pop in, while mentally bracing myself for the long queues filled with bargain-hunters like myself, that are a permanent feature of this particular drug store and its sister stores.

With pleasure I noted that there was just a handful of clients, looking bored and impatient as they idled on the rather insufficient seat at the waiting bay of the cramped chemist. I made my way to the counter where I ordered a prescription-only anti-depressant, while simultaneously fumbling through my handbag for the prescription. Before I could fish it out, the attendant on the other side of the meshed counter had completed my order complete with a discount, without ever asking to see my prescription. He directed me to join the other clients/patients who were waiting impatiently on the bench, as a different pharmacist worked on filling my prescription and completing my order. A few minutes later, I was out and about with my prescription-only anti-depressant without having to show any prescription chit from a doctor.

In my years as a person suffering from depression, I have been to many pharmacies, but only a few ever insisted on a prescription before dispensing the prescription-only drugs I asked for. Musing about this later, a thought crossed my mind that pharmacists are not "good" people.

A pharmacist will never tell you, "You look/sound awfully sick or you've been coming here to get pills to relieve these symptoms for too long, don't you think you should see a doctor to get to the root of your symptoms?"

Instead, a pharmacist will ask  for your symptoms and give you something to relieve them. I guess the first rule of pharmacy is to take the money, always; never turn away a customer ( patient). Yet sometimes those seemingly little but niggling problems belie a serious underlying illness, that needs urgent attention, but a pharmacist will be happy to take your money and prescribe something to relieve the symptoms, even as the illness simmers and festers beneath the surface.

Banned drugs

I've seen pharmacists push anti-malarials on people who've not had their blood passed through a Malaria Rapid Diagnostic Test. A pharmacist will sell you the absolute prescription-only abortion pill without a prescription. A pharmacist will sell you morning after pills without throwing in a cautionary “you should consider ‘regular’ contraceptives or even the possibility of HIV.” A pharmacist will sell you the one-tenth dose of antibiotics that you asked for as long as you slip the money across the counter, never mind that the world is grappling with the effects of misuse of anti-biotics in the form of drug-resistant bugs.

I once had a person standing behind the pharmacy counter prescribe Metakelfin (long after it had been banned alongside other sulfa-based anti-malarials such as Fansidar) as a way to prevent malaria just before I traveled to a malaria-prone region. It made me feel so sick, I had to go to a doctor, who informed me that that taking anti-malarials as a preventive measure before traveling to a malaria hot-spot was no longer recommended, not forgetting that I had ingested a banned drug and one I was allergic to too (I'm allergic to sulfa drugs).

Maybe I require too much from pharmacists, much more than they are cut out to be. Maybe they didn't take the Hippocratic Oath or any oath on patient safety and public health interest being paramount. Maybe those attendants who man pharmacy counters are not even real pharmacists, not even pharm-techs. Maybe they're just salespersons, placed there complete with sales targets. Maybe pharmacists are taught that the interests of the bottom line come above everything else.

Lastly, the self-medicating customer is also a fool who is easily parted with her/his money at the pharmacy and later in the hospital which s/he thought s/he'd dodged by bypassing the doctor and going straight to the pharmacy, after consulting Dr Google and/or a couple of strangers and friends.

Still, pharmacists are part of our health problems.

Woman to woman: The world is your oyster ... and other thoughts on scaling the heights

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to meet with women who were going through a mentorship programme at one of the leading banks in Kenya. I listened and watched with a tinge of envy as the women talked about what being a part of that programme had done for them. It was heart-warming to hear about their transformation – the new confidence and self-belief – that changed the way they thought about themselves and their abilities in the workplace and the world at large. These were now formidable women who could take on any challenge in the world. They might feel fear and some self-doubt, but they would never balk in the face of the toughest assignment. They would put themselves out there for it. Spending time with them, I couldn’t help but wish that I was part of the programme they were in. That wasn’t possible, but I got a wealth of information those few hours I spent with them, and I’m sharing it with you.

Get a mentor

Mentorship changes everything. It helps you focus. It helps you dream bigger than you ever have. It helps you voice your fears and concerns and find a constructive way to deal with them. It gives you a sounding board. It gives you access to useful information, background, history, tricks and strategies … If you do nothing else on this list, get a mentor. Get a mentor early on in your career because this one step can help you rise higher and faster than the woman who tries to find her way around without mentorship. Structured mentorship programmes are particularly helpful.

Choose your associates wisely

Surround yourself with people who build you up, people who give you direction, people who give you good advice. Surround yourself with people and things that boost your confidence in yourself and your abilities and reduce contact with people and things that put you down and diminish your confidence in yourself and your capabilities.

Stop trying to be a superwoman

Don’t try to do it all (especially at home). You don’t have to be an impossibly perfect wife and/or mother. Build a support system in your husband and your house manager and children (if they are old enough) and equip them to handle some of the tasks, which you can then delegate to them so that you have time on your hands to do the things that you really want to focus on. You will feel happier, more fulfilled, less guilty, more at peace and more accomplished.

Dream big

You might feel afraid; you might feel doubtful about your skills, abilities and experience, but don’t let that niggling self-doubt keep you from applying for jobs or challenging tasks or high-level opportunities and positions. Feel the fear and put yourself out there anyway. Feel the doubt, but send your application anyway. The worst that can happen is that you will not get the job/opportunity. On the other hand, you might, with pleasant surprise, qualify for it; but you only get a chance if you put a foot in the door by sending your application. If you don’t put a foot in the door, you’ll be left wondering what if and what could have been if only you had tried. Don’t be caught in that what if cycle, try, try, try because you never know until you try. Open your eyes to the possibilities and be bold enough to give yourself a fighting chance. You are stronger than you think, more qualified than you imagine, and more capable than you believe. Do something that you think you cannot do. Stretch yourself. Don’t walk away from any challenge, rise to meet it head on, because you can.

Get to know your heroes

The women you admire - the women who have it all together – they have their own fears and insecurities, but they don’t allow them to stop them from reaching for the stars. Have a candid chat with a woman you admire and you might be surprised. She has also faced hurdles, even though it seems as if she had none or that she was luckier than most … She has faced the same obstacles and challenges that you have, but she didn’t let that stop her. She kept her eyes on the prize and kept pushing forward, jumping over one hurdle and the next as she made her way to her goals. Listen to her story, the one with warts and all and the one with big and small victories. You will be happy to learn that she is as human as you are and you will feel encouraged to pursue big dreams despite your perceived shortcomings and difficulties.

Know yourself and build your brand

Know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and aspirations … then work on building your personal brand. What are your skills, strengths and talents? What do you want to be known and remembered for? What problems do you want to solve? Make sure what you are doing is visible by talking about it and sharing it on the various available platforms.

Pass it on

Take it upon yourself to share your story with other women, particularly those who are starting out. We all have the benefit of hindsight and experience. Talk about the challenges and how to go around them. Share the tricks, tips and strategies. Let them know how to find opportunities and keep pushing them to be the best they can be beyond gender stereotypes without tiring. Be a mentor and a guide so that they can rise higher faster than if they didn’t have someone to show them the way. That letter to your younger self, let it be heard to the women who are starting out where you did as a younger woman.

On having an abortion

Say you missed your period. You didn't even notice, either because your cycle is so irregular, or because you were too busy chasing paper, beating deadlines, being social and generally living life. So about two months into your last period, it hits you that something went missing from your life.

 

"Could I be pregnant!?" You gasp.

 

You grab the calendar, but you can't even remember when you last had your period. Damn! You should have downloaded one of those period-tracker apps, but it's rather late for that now.

 

It is a lazy, slow and idle Saturday, so you rush to the chemist and buy a home pregnancy kit, making sure that no one sees you doing it. You rush back to the house, banging all doors on your way. You lock yourself up in the loo, sigh heavily, grimace, then hold your breath as you pee on the test stick and cross your fingers and toes and every possible part of your body. You wait the longest three minutes of your life. Finally, two pink lines appear ...

 

"No! No! No! No! It can't be! I just can't deal with this... Lord, what will I do...?" You’re biting your nails furiously.

 

Yes, you are old enough for a baby. In fact, people have been telling you that if you won't settle down in marriage, at least have a baby. A legacy. Something to graduate you into full womanhood...

 

"But I just can't... a baby will turn my life upside down. I won't even be able to do the things I want freely, because there will be a baby to consider first. Where will I even get the money for a baby? Damn! What will I do? Damn! Why did I put myself in this situation? Why didn’t I take the E-pill? Oh, wait, I took it within the stipulated 72 hours after intercourse. Why didn’t it work? Could it be because I had already taken 10 of those this year, and it is only September? Why oh why?” You ask yourself over and over, but you have no answers. Nevertheless, there are decisions to be made.

 

"Should I have ... an ... a-bor-tion?" Who knew you would ever have to ask yourself this question? Damn! Why oh why? You wail.

 

"Should I tell the boyfriend?" 

 

“Wait, he is not even a boyfriend; just a fuck-buddy I've been fooling around with. Oh Lord, are these the consequences of fornication? Oh Lord, please save me from this situation...”

 

You are going crazy. You don't know who to tell about this. You can't trust anyone, but you need a referral to a good abortionist. One of those clean decent ones; a trained and experienced gynaecologist. You'll even take a Sacco loan to foot the bill if need be. 

 

"Oh, Lord, the consequences of fornication... I should have kept my legs closed... I just can't deal.. I wish I could run away from this problem. Jesus, please, forgive me... please, I'll be a good girl after this. No more fuck-buddies, no more casual sex; I'll wait till marriage, I promise, but you have to save me and forgive me this one time..."

 

You are sobbing uncontrollably now. You really need that abortionist's number. Should you ask in Kilimani Mums? No, people will stone you with Bible-verse-laden rocks. What about Marie Stopes? 

 

“No, I don’t trust those people; they sound like the kind who will rush you to Kenyatta and dump you there when you develop abortion-related complications. I don’t think they can do the job right. I need a neat, clean job so that no one will ever know I had an abortion, except me and the gyna... But who?”

 

You’re pacing up and down your bedroom. You just can’t keep still. Your heart is racing, your thoughts are racing. You just can’t keep calm.

 

"Oh Lord, I need your help... oh, wait, does Dr N still exist? He was a well-known, loud and proud, abortionist back in the day. I haven't seen him in the news for years... did he die? Did he give up the fight to give women safe abortions? His clinic was at A Centre, right? I should just go there and ask the guards if he still runs the clinic.” 

 

A little googling yields some positive results. Goodie!

 

You pick your phone and randomly dial the boyfriend's, nay, fuck-buddy's number.

 

"What am I doing?" You ask yourself well into the third ring. 

 

You can't hang up now. If you do, he'll call. He knows you never call him unless it is important. You have to keep your affair discreet. As much as it’s 2015 in a liberalised country, your compatriots still frown upon unmarried women who get it on, freely and openly. You still have a reputation to protect. Your boyfriend, nay, fuck-buddy picks the phone on the fifth ring, interrupting your thoughts.

 

"Hello..."

 

"Hello, I'm ... I'm pregnant!" You blurt out. Where did that come from? You wonder.

 

(Long silence...)

 

"Erm, hello, did you hear what I just said?"

 

"Yeah, this is, erm, unexpected, but … uhm, we'll just have to deal with it as it is..."

 

"Yeah, I've already thought about it. Uhm, I'm going to have an abortion next week... I'll take a few days off, my sick-off and some leave days to recover..."

 

"What! You can't just abort...!!!"

 

"It's my body, dammit! I'm the one who will be tied down by a baby, please, you don't have a say..."

 

"No, please, hear me out... I have a…"

 

“No!” You hold down the power off button, inadvertently cutting off the call and putting off your phone.

 

“How dare he try to tell me what to do with my life? How dare he?” 

 

You pick your quarter-full cup of tea from the table and smash it on the wall ahead, then you shuffle into the kitchen, rummage through the drawer where you put your meds. There are some sleeping pills left over from the last time you were having trouble sleeping. You gulp down one too many, with a glass of water, and then follow them up with four painkillers (another overdose) to dull the headache. Your forehead is throbbing and your temples are on fire. You need a blackout. It’s only midday, but you’ve had a long day already.

 

When you wake up, it’s dark everywhere. You acclimatise to the darkness and the noises of the night outside your bedroom window. You reach under your pillow for your phone, pressing down the power on button.

Ten missed calls: Mum, Elaine (your elder sister), Aunt Lucy, Mary CBA ( a long-lost acquaintance) – what does she want?, Betty Job (a work colleague) - hmph, what’s that that can’t wait till Monday...!?, Liz UoN (your college-mate from your MBA class), and four missed calls from Sauti…

 

“Nkt! Can’t he just leave me alone!” 

 

“No, actually, can everybody just leave me alone! I don’t want to talk, nkt!”

 

Your WhatsApp is overflowing with mostly useless messages too, a few from the people whose calls you missed above, either telling you to call them back, urgently, or that they were just checking on you … and Sauti with a thread of five messages:

 

“Can we talk?”

“Can I at least come over?”

“Please hear me out…”

“I know you really don’t want to abort…”

“Okay, at least wait two weeks and think this through, before you go through with it, no?”

 

“To hell with Sauti! Isn’t he the one who got me into this mess in the first place by whispering sweet nothings in my ear and making me lose good judgment? And now he has the nerve to tell me what to do…” You feel a sharp pain sear through the core of your head from one temple to another.

 

“Let me just block his number. I need my peace…”

 

Monday comes. You are very scared, very nervous. You’ve heard people whispering before that abortion wastes a woman’s body: “Why do you think, Daisy has lost so much weight? It is because she aborted, silly!

 

 Abortion sio mchezo…” a friend once told the blue-eyed you about a mutual friend.

 

Still, this is something you have decided to go through with, but God knows it frightens you to death.

 

“What if I die? What if there is nothing like a safe abortion? What if, what if, what if...?”

 

You’re now at A Centre. You’ll call the office just before you go in for the procedure and take a copy of the sick-off sheet to your boss and HR when you get back to work, two weeks after the procedure. (The doctor’s narration will read something like: Three-week bed-rest recommended for recuperation after continuous heavy bleeding from fibroids...)

 

“Sasa, soldier… madam! Nataka kwenda kwa Dr N…,” you start.

 

“Sawa, leta ID, andikisha hapa, halafu uende second floor.”

 

“Sawa.” 

 

When you get to second floor, you peep inside the door marked “City Women’s Health Centre”.

 

There are women of all ages seated at the waiting bay: young women like yourself, younger women than yourself, middle-aged women, and even a girl who looks not-a-day-older than 12.

 

“I don’t know if I can go through with this…,” you mutter to yourself.

 

“Yes, madam, come in, please. How may I help you?” The receptionist calls out to you breaking your thoughts.

 

“Erm, let me first make a call…,” you say, stepping out promptly. 

 

“Am I doing the right thing?”

 

You need to talk to someone, but who? You scroll through your 568 contacts. You can’t call any of them, not even the 12 counsellors/psychologists/psychiatrists in your phone book. 

 

“Jesus, I need someone to talk to… argh! Not Sauti, no, please… okay, he’s the only one who knows what’s going on with me... he’ll just have to do.”

 

You unblock Sauti’s number.

 

“Hello Sauti, we need to talk…”

 

“Jeez, Nerea, did you have to block me? Can’t we just sort this out like adults… anyway where are you? I can step out for a few minutes…”

 

“Actually, I’m just here near your office …”

 

“Okay, you go ahead to Java Kimathi, at the balcony… at least there we can have some privacy. Let me finish up on something then I follow you there…”

 

“Okay, no problem.” You hang up.

 

At Java, you ask for a strawberry lemonade as you wait for company. There are so many thoughts swirling in your mind. You feel so confused. Oh, Sauti is here… You stand up to give him a hug.

 

“Thanks for making the time ... ”

 

“It’s nothing. I’ve been trying to reach you…”

 

“I know. I just … needed some time alone to think.”

 

“Nerea, please, did you do it…?”

 

“Not yet, I got cold feet…”

 

“Phew, listen, I’ve been thinking about it all weekend and this is what I have to say, please hear me out…”

 

“Okay.”

 

(Singing soulfully) “Nakuomba Nerea, usitoe mimba yangu we, Mungu akileta mtoto, analeta sahani yake, leta nitamlea, usitoe mimba yangu we, Mungu akileta mtoto, analeta sahani yake …”

 

You’re crying. The mid-morning brunch crowd around you is clapping in awe, but a few elements throw you disgusted looks. Sauti is hugging you, swaying, shushing you. You know what you need to do.

 

 

Inspired by the song Nerea by Sauti Sol featuring Amos and Josh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtNZK3PUme8