Diary of a retrenched woman

"Are you happy?" I asked myself.

"I know I'm not sad, but what is happiness?" I answered pensively.

Happiness is a feeling of contentment, resilience (knowing that you can bounce back), hope and optimism, came the answer from deep in the bowels of my heart.

With this in mind, I was no longer unsure about my happiness or lack thereof.

"Yes, I am happy!" I beamed.

And this is my mantra for 2017. 

Last year's mantra was: 

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." ~ Christopher Morley 

And I'm keeping it close this year because it still rings true and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.


Photo | Pixabay

Being fired/retrenched doesn't define me. 

I have always been a hardworking and passionate employee. My work ethic is admirable. I have always done my best and given my all in everything I do. Everything I do is well-thought-out and that won't change because I was fired. It is who I am and I can't do less. 

Being retrenched/jobless doesn't define me. My work appraisals have always been in the very good to excellent category. That won't change just because I'm jobless at the moment. Being kicked out of work doesn't mean I have nothing to offer; in fact, it has opened my eyes to the many things I actually have to offer, things that I couldn't quite see before when my eyes were stuck on my job, and they are much more than I can count. As one of my friends reminded me, the world is my oyster and I have so many options to choose from. 

I am not as young as I used to be, but there is a decade or two before I get to the official retirement age of 60, and slow down to enjoy the fruits of my lifelong labour, so I'm not old either. Obviously, I can't stay idle for decades, unless I choose to remain idle, so I'll find something useful to do. I just pray for humility because pride can be a major impediment to progress. 

I hope to remember to shut out any whispers from people who say all sorts of unsupportive/unhelpful things which can either take my eyes off the goal or bring me down completely. I pray for humility, strength and courage to get in the trenches and do the dirty work even though people laugh and say that what I'm doing is beneath what a "person of my stature" should be doing. I really do pray for humility because it is one of the first stepping stones of success, whatever I define it to be. 

Obviously being jobless changes a lot of things. Some relationships dissipate because the only thing that was holding you together (work) is gone. 

I remember Bitange Ndemo talking about the loneliness that followed the end of his stint as a Permanent Secretary. A phone that was always ringing off the hook, now remained silent for days on end. People no longer had reason to call him. 

I understand that a lot of things might change, but as my friend Lillian keeps telling me, don't take it personally. I'm listening, so no matter what happens or changes for the worse or the better, I won't take it personally. I'm not taking the job loss personally, and I won't take all the things that happened before this and those that will happen after this personally. 

The initial shock has worn off. My family and friends have been very helpful and supportive offline and online, and so has been my doctor, a psychiatrist, (whom I can no longer afford). They have helped me keep things in perspective and offered very useful advice in the midst of the initial confusion. I see a very bright future ahead, and I'm glad that I have so many things to do despite the fact that I am not going to anyone's formal office anymore.

27th January.