2012: Lessons and musings

 This was the year when the world was supposed to end, not just according to the Mayans, but also according to the movie: 2012. This is also the year when I lived 10 years in 12 months (I was reflecting on the past year and was shocked to discover that all the things that flashed through my mind happened within the span of one year.) - At least that is how it feels, but thankfully it does not show much on my face.

My faith shook. I had a wake-up call. I achieved none of the things I had hoped to achieve - in fact I moved ten steps back. I edited the Saturday Magazine in an unexpected twist and it turned out fine. My heart broke over and over, but it still pumps blood. I became confused about marriage and somewhat figured out why I am afraid. I became a workaholic. I inched closer to 30. I became estranged from my friends and lost touch with who I am. etc. In short, I did the whole good, bad and ugly, just like before, but this time it was more intense. Above all, I learned every lesson that life threw my way and here are some:

• Flirting your way to the top works, but working your feminine charms in a male-dominated workplace can get you into sticky and messy alleys with no chance of salvation. But I would probably do it again for the simple reason that it works.

I finally learned how to spell the word Casanova, and discovered that I am still an English student, after having spent over two decades learning the language. Urgh!

The fastest way to get a tipsy woman who is stuck in the middle of a marsh sober is to call in a good-looking taxi-driver-cum-mechanic to rescue you. It's a very sobering remedy.

• I'm surprised that people are truly bothered about whether humans have a mating season. I wrote a spoof after noticing that so many women seemed to be pregnant at the same time and to date the key words: human mating season are the ones that lead people to my blog most.

If you tell a man that he acts like a woman, even if he does, it's gonna be the longest day you ever had. Don't do it. OK, just do it cos' it's slightly funny.

• You don't need an alarm clock to wake you up. I decided to end the long-running enmity between my alarm clock and my biorhythms and found out, I should have done so ages ago. Now I sleep soundly and only wake up when my body says enough.

You don't need a wardrobe full of clothes. I had a situation where I shipped my clothes to my sister's - sorry it was not a boyfriend- and forgot to bring them back. I have basically been wearing the same handful of clothes for months, the unwearable ones I had left at my house, and I've learnt that a little goes a long way. But the shopping bug is about to bite (So help me God!).

• My mum will never believe this for lack of video evidence, but a man convinced me to eat a whole bowl of pure, undisguised pumpkin soup. I'm not sure how I did it, but I ate the last drop of it and enjoyed it, and gladly bailed out of a second helping. Too much of a surprise is nauseous.

Your fears change with time, who would have thought I would be patting a dog with my hands, and should I really talk about the mouse thing? 

• All you need is to breathe and smile. And eat. some fruits, and move and stretch and laugh, and cry when you need to; and drink some water and talk...to your mum and pray and you'll be OK. All those other things are just unnecessary baggage.

 All I can tell 2013 is: Come get me!

Why do we hate non-voters?

"One of the penalties of refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors" - Plato

After the riddle that was the 2007 general election one of my friends tore her voter's card and vowed never to vote again because she had lost faith in the system. She was angry that someone had meddled with the results and that her vote hadn't counted. We will only ever know the truth about that election if someone writes a tell-all book about it; but what is sure is that even if she had kept her voter's card it would still be a piece of memorabilia because the new BVR system has rendered the previous cards useless. I checked with her again, but nothing has changed. She will not vote next year (2013). Another friend who is at the forefront of telling others that they must register to vote will not be voting himself. I asked why and he mumbled something incoherent. He just does not think his vote will make a difference. I'm not sure whether the non-voters are a majority or a minority, but I believe, in the words of Aristotle, that it is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a different view without (necessarily) accepting it. But first let me deal with the self-righteous voters.

The problem with voters is that they are looking for a messiah. That is not a problem per se because everyone wants to be saved from all manner of societal ills: traffic jam, water rationing, badly-lit neighbourhoods, Al Shabaab, unemployment ... name it!

The problem is that voters claim they want someone who can solve their problems preferably at a national level, yet majority rarely vote for the messiah they have been wailing for. Instead voters are irrational beings who are swayed to vote for the very 'leaders' they loathe for reasons that even they are not sometimes clear about: euphoria, tribe, to make sure the other guy doesn't get to power, just because, nothing concrete.

Our style of democracy is based on the polls so if we don't vote, we get no representation. Luckily we have never had to deal with a situation where none of the registered voters turned up to vote, and if it ever happens we'll cross that bridge when we get there. The problem is that voters choose their preferred leader - who as we said is not the messiah they would have hoped for - and when he disappoints them as he is bound to, they seethe with anger.

Please note that the road to State House is paved with broken promises, even from the most well-meaning politician, if there ever was one. Politicians promise things they have no idea how to implement just to worm their way into your heart and win your vote at the ballot. But despite the vivid history of broken promises, voters continue to have unreasonably high expectations that can only be met by the gods and continue to be surprised when lying politicians move on like smooth operators who lured a virgin to the bedroom with promises of marriage only to leave her licking her wounds after the act. This time round, like in any other election season voters are angry and itching for change. As such they are taking out their wrath on those who have shown little interest in voting. My take is that if anyone has a right to vote, then he also has the freedom not to exercise that right, and I'd rather that you did not vote unless you are going to elect a proper leader.

Of course one can only vote if he is a registered voter, hence the constant bombardment that we all register as voters so long as we are eligible. The past thirty days have been registration season and with only a day left and slightly over half of the expected 18 million voters already registered, calls to register are getting even more frantic. In fact the yet-to-be-registered are being insulted and bullied to register at every opportunity. There have been reports of fishermen being denied the right to fish and people being denied all sorts of things if they can't prove that they have registered as voters. Even the president has called anyone who has not as yet registered "useless." Never mind that registering does not translate into actual voting. In 2007 of the 18, 126, 573 eligible voters, 14, 296, 180 registered as voters but only 9, 877, 028 voted (69 per cent voter turnout and the highest in recent years).

 There are many reasons that a registered voter would miss casting his ballot including death, illness, lack of access, insecurity, apathy and whatever other reason. Now I'm sure if if it was up to some voters they would impose the death penalty on anybody who refused to register as a voter or refused to cast their ballot for flimsy reasons such as: I'm just not interested. In some countries, like Australia there is a law to compel all eligible adults to vote and a modest penalty for not voting, but thankfully in Kenya there is no such law. It is a free country and you vote or abstain from voting by choice.

The pro-voters have cited all sorts of reasons why people should register as voters and go as far as voting when the time comes. Top among them are the slogans: Your vote is your voice, your vote is your future, if you don't vote you have no say, and you have no right to complain. In my view the voters are mistaken in ways I will explain at the end of these ramblings about voting. My belief is that since there will always be people who strongly believe in voting, the voters should leave the apathetic non-voters alone and focus their energies on their fellow voters. Trying to get a hard-line non-voter to vote is like milking a rock - it just won't happen; and if we don't have the leaders we deserve, it is not the fault of the non-voter, the voters have themselves to blame for electing bad leaders.

What matters is not the people who don't vote but rather the calibre of those who actually do (the non-voters would only matter if they had already declared their support for a certain good candidate and their numbers were significant enough to tilt the vote, but that is rarely the case). Ask a few people why they are voting for the person they have settled on ... Ask yourself why you are voting for your person. Maybe it is because you'd rather die than be ruled by someone from some other tribe ... or maybe you are not sure. Voters hardly every sit down to weigh all the candidates based on their track record and ability to deliver the things that would solve the problems they've been crying about.

Elections are like job interviews and should be treated as such. Anyone who presents themselves for the job of president, governor, MP, MCA, senator, Women Rep and whatever else, must be taken through a rigorous assessment and only be voted in if they are the right (wo)man for the job. We can't continue employing (electing) the wrong people then start complaining soon after that these people fall short of our expectations. Sometimes I have seen re-advertisement of vacancies because the people who applied for the job couldn't even make it past stage one. We don't need new thieves, we need people who can actually make a difference, if at all.

Maybe your right to complain for voting in bad leaders is tied to the fact that you actually voted them in while the non-voters stood aloof. Love is blind. I don't fault the voters for their belief, and they should keep trying to convince others to vote, but after the window closes, what they should do is to sit down and figure out why they are voting, and whether their preferred candidate is the messiah they have been searching for. Weigh all the candidates just like in a job interview and once you choose your best candidate, you can now try to persuade others to vote for that one also. I'd rather you abstain from voting if at all you are only going to add a vote to the same old goons.

Now to the non-voters Plato had a mouthful to say about participation in government: The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men; and the heaviest penalty for declining to rule is to be ruled by someone inferior to yourself.  One more thing, if you don't register as a voter then you will have shut out the possibility of having the choice to vote if you change your mind. If you choose to vote, well and good, and if you don't that's your choice too and no one should fault you for it.

Ok now let's deal with these popular pro-voting slogans:

1. Your vote counts:

See this link for some thoughts on this: http://www.slate.com/articles/briefing/articles/2000/07/is_voting_rational.html

2. Your vote is your voice also said as: If you don't vote you have no right to complain:

True. Your vote is your voice in that it sends a message about who you have chosen to lead you, but that doesn't mean that after you vote you shut up and wait till the next elections to regain your voice. However, what I find wrong with this is that it implies that it is not only those who didn't vote who lose their voice, but also those who voted for the loser. Not voting is a say in itself, that you don't believe in any of the candidates who offered themselves up for election. Whether you vote or not, the policies of those in power will have a bearing on you life, and anything that affects your life, you have a right to talk about, whether you voted or not. If voters choose a person with a history of corruption and other vices, who then goes on to screw things up as usual, are people supposed to shut up as they get screwed over by incompetent public officials just because they didn't cast their votes?


3. Your vote is your future:

This implies that if you vote you get a brighter future, but that is only as accurate as the quality of leaders you elect. If you vote for goons then that is the future you will have, and you can't blame non-voters for that.

4. If you don't vote you're helping to elect the wrong guy.

Wrong. Those who vote are the ones who elect the wrong people. It is better for one to abstain from voting than to pick the wrong people out of a sense of duty that he has to vote.


Some additional readings:

Is voting rational?

http://www.slate.com/articles/briefing/articles/2000/07/is_voting_rational.html

http://www.caseyresearch.com/cdd/doug-casey-voting-redux

The psychology of voting.

http://comm.stanford.edu/faculty/krosnick/docs/2008/2008%20Turnout%20Lit%20Review.pdf

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200911/why-do-people-vote-i

http://source.southuniversity.edu/the-psychology-behind-voting-behavior-106983.aspx

On becoming thirty before my time

On my birthday I really identified with this song - Life by Muthoni DQ - because in it she sings that life is what you make it.

                           

Life is plagued by controversies, some of which have no chance of being solved in this lifetime. Take the point at which life begins, for instance. Some believe that life begins way before conception, while others believe it begins anywhere between conception and childbirth depending on when they choose to terminate it. As if that were not confounding enough, another brigade insists that life begins after 40, making the problem even harder to solve.

It may not be clear when exactly life begins, but it is clear that age eventually catches up with you. Just the other day I was an impressionable teenager, with little regard for age,  glossing over women's magazines in which the writers went on and on about turning thirty. The big "three oh" - as they liked to call it - was said to be the dreaded age, when a woman began to kiss youth goodbye and to look back on the past with regret at having achieved nothing. No husband, no baby, biological clock ticking and a myriad of other worries about the things that one should have checked off the list by then. Even if the newly-turned-thirty-year-old had an enviable position at one of those blue chip companies, she still had reason to panic if at all she hadn't collected those things that society considers more important.

My mother's friend once mentioned, in passing, how turning thirty is a magical moment in a woman's life because by then, one has formed an identity and can move forward to the next phase of life without hangups.That made me flash back to the day I turned 26. For the longest time I had been fighting off people who insisted on labeling me young. On one hand the remnant influences from the women's magazines had me thinking that I needed to follow a fixed timeline and achieve certain milestones to avoid being one of those miserable women who'd just turned thirty and realised that they had run out of time. On the other hand, every time I expressed my fears that I would usher in thirty with as many cats and no man or baby to speak of, an older person would ask me how old I was and when I said 20-something, they laughed it off and told me not to worry: that I was still young. Towards the end of my 25th year of living, it dawned on me that I really was young. Then I turned 26 and suddenly felt old and unaccomplished. My heart raced as I panicked about not having enough time to do all the things I should do before I hit the third decade of life. I was turning into the miserable 30-year-old at only 26. But that phase did not last long, and I soon moved into the comfortable mid to late twenties. No pressure.

I am a few paces away from thirty, and this year I have had snippets of revelation of what awaits me at the golden age. I am no longer afraid. I am not looking forward to it (who wants to grow old?) but I know I'll feel at peace when I get there (God willing). But before then, I like the things I have seen about turning thirty.

And here they are:

Thirty is beautiful...

• You are no longer trying to keep up with the Joneses. You realise that your path is different from everyone else's. You run your race knowing that you are not competing with anyone nor can you accurately be compared with anyone because your circumstances are different. This results in a quiet, calm confidence that makes your journey easier.

• By 30 your search for an identity is over. You are no longer that confused woman who is all over the place. Instead you have a self-assurance that comes from knowing your strengths and weaknesses. 

• You do what you want without seeking anyone's approval. You couldn't care less what busybodies think about you because you are self-confident and you are not trying to please anybody.

• At thirty, you refuse to take things personally. When people do things it's about them. Some people are just weird and you won't spend your time boiling over on their account.

• You realise that not everyone can do the things you do so effortlessly and you try to develop some patience.

• You know there is no space for excuses in this life, no place for blame games. At thirty you take full responsibility - if something was to be done, you do it and if you don't, you take responsibility without trying to pass the buck.

• The best thing about being thirty is the freedom to say no to anybody without regrets, and to laugh at the weak attempts of people who want to use emotional blackmail to make you change your mind.

This quote by Maya Angelou summarises my pre-thirtieth birthday thought:

"Most people don’t grow up. It’s too damn difficult. What happens is most people get older. That’s the truth of it. They honor their credit cards, they find parking spaces, they marry, they have the nerve to have children, but they don’t grow up. Not really. They get older. But to grow up costs the earth, the earth. It means you take responsibility for the time you take up, for the space you occupy. It’s serious business. And you find out what it costs us to love and to lose, to dare and to fail. And maybe even more, to succeed. What it costs, in truth. Not superficial costs—anybody can have that—I mean in truth." 

Communications body releases answers to frequently asked questions on fake phones

Some fake phones were not switched off

Following a flood of calls that paralysed operations at the communication's commission headquarters for two days, the regulator has released a list of frequently asked questions (FAQs).

This belated list of FAQs is meant to get distressed Kenyans, who might call the commission's offices demanding answers regarding phone barring, off the its back. (Please note that you cannot reach the regulator via phone because its office phones were also barred after they were found to be fake.)

1. How do I know my phone has been switched off?
Ans: Eeh...because you pressed and held down the power-off button. Contrary to popular belief neither we nor your network provider have super powers to switch off your phone.

2. Why did they target me? My phone was the first to be switched off.


Ans: I already explained how your finger made contact with the power-off button. (If you didn't get it, check 1. again.) 

b) But how come my neighbour's fake phone was not switched off?
Ans: If your phone doesn't know networks then it's small fish and has no space on the airwaves. The alternative is for you to know people who can switch your phone back on. 

3. What is the difference between network barring and phone switch-off?
Ans: You might need to retake English language lessons.

4. How do I know my phone was barred from the network?
Ans: Count the network bars on the top left corner of the phone. If they are between one and five your phone is alive. (This does not work with the service providers who always have network problems.)

5. Speaking of network problems, why does my provider always have issues? There are too many delayed SMS and dropped calls on my congested network.
Ans: Please stick to the issue at hand, I only prepared answers concerning the phone barring!

6. What do I do now that my phone has been barred?
Ans: I don't know why you are asking this question; maybe it is because you think that CCK came up with this brilliant idea, but it is the network providers to blame for following through with this big joke. I suggest that you march from Uhuru Park to your service provider's headquarters and then look for a judge whose phone was barred to issue an arrest warrant against the head of your network company. If you are lucky enough to have university students joining your demo, you can force motorists to give you their genuine phones in exchange for your fake one.

5. No really, is my phone useless?
Ans: Regardless of what haters say, your phone may not connect to a network but it still has swagger. I suggest you call it your re-loaded PDA gadget, engrave a cool-sounding name on it, and front it as the must-have device for any bigwig worth their salt. Also, your phone has not lost the cool features it used to have and you can still use it as a calendar, phone-book, picture and music storage device and camera, among many other uses.

6. Now what next?
Ans: Don't despair, I know how you can make money from this. Just because your phone has been barred in Kenya does not mean it can't work in other countries that do not have a law to block fake phones. Collect all the 'useless' counterfeit phones you can find, ship them to neighbouring countries such as South Sudan, Tanzania and Uganda, and sell them. That way you can turn your misfortune into a profitable venture and buy the real gizmo you've always desired. The Tanzania Communications Regulatory Authority has specifically said that it will not switch off counterfeit phones because it does not wish to interfere with the people's right to communicate. What other green-light could you be waiting for?

On a serious note:
All handsets imported for sale are supposed to meet certain standards set by the Communications Commission of Kenya (CCK) in a process that is called type approval. Any handset that does not meet the standards is considered to be counterfeit. Such are the kind of phones that were barred from connecting to mobile telephone networks between 30th and 1st October 2012.

Once the phone is deactivated by the network provider, one cannot make or receive calls or messages, connect to the Internet or send or receive mobile money using the blacklisted phone. The barred phone is likely to display the message: "SIM registration failed" or you may find that the phone shows no signal strength or a "no service message". However, even if your counterfeit phone shows full signal strength you will not be able to use network services.

 Remember that the phone's hardware and other features that don't require connection to a phone network are not affected by the blacklisting and you can continue to use them. If your phone has been blacklisted you can also change the handset's IMEI number (mobile phone reprogramming), but only if the memory chip is the kind that can be overwritten, and possibly enable it to connect to a network just like before. However, CCK had warned that one of the reasons that counterfeit phones were barred is that they emit radiation above the recommended levels and thus could harm your health. Radiation levels are judged using a the Specific Absorption Rate standard, which basically refers to the amount of radio frequency energy absorbed by the body when using the handset.While all mobile phones emit RF energy, the SAR varies depending on the model. In most countries, the maximum acceptable SAR varies between 1.6 watts per kilogram to 2 watts per kilogram.

One of the standards used to measure whether a phone is genuine is the IMEI number - the code that uniquely identifies each phone. This was what was used to block counterfeit phones, as those without the unique identifier were blacklisted for barring. Nevertheless, critics say that using IMEI as the standard to identify the so-called genuine phones, blocks out small-scale phone makers, who do not produce phones at the scale required by the GSMA to be given IMEI numbers for their phones. Moreover, there is the aspect of some renowned phone makers having phones with duplicate IMEIs defeating the whole purpose of the IMEI being a unique phone identifier.

Check out the Communications Commission of Kenya's (CCK) frequently asked questions on counterfeit phones here:

http://www.cck.go.ke/counterfeit-campaign

Electoral commission to hold free elections

The electoral commission has revised its budget for the elections to be held next year to zero.

"After the recent by-elections we had a light-bulb moment and we decided to do something new.

"We want to prove that you do not need any money to host free and fair elections. We can proudly announce that we have moved from the list of the most expensive elections, to the least expensive league. When we talk of free elections, we absolutely mean it and we deserve a direct entry in the Guiness Book because we are going down in history," the electoral chief boasted during a press briefing held after hours of  meeting with electoral staff.

This decision comes as a surprise to many voters who have been watching the revisions from the initial amount of Sh 40 billion downwards to Sh33 billion and finally settling on the Sh17 billion allocated to the elections budget in June.

In reaction to this announcement, the government treasurer was pleasantly surprised because this means that the Sh17 billion he set aside for elections is up for grabs for misappropriation by the usual scavengers.

“This election was literally going to drain our coffers dry and we almost had nothing left to divert to political campaigns and also to our off-shore accounts,” he said visibly animated at the prospects of having a pseudo-windfall to play with.

When asked how the free elections would be achieved bearing in mind that election materials need to be procured and staff paid, the electoral chief said it was a secret that would be revealed at the ballot.

"We are keeping our cards close because we do not want any other electoral body to beat us to this historic achievement. But we urge all voters to show up with their identity cards because that is all they need to vote."

This development has been welcomed by most Kenyans who were wondering where the money for the pay raise awarded to teachers and lecturers to end a three-week work boycott, would come from. Moreover, random Kenyans interviewed by our reporter said that they were satisfied with the electoral body's move and called on a few other state corporations to give up the funds allocated to them in the Budget to enable the demands of doctors who are still on strike to be met.

Government rolls out plans to make corruption benefits available to all

Following the release of a corruption survey that showed unfair advantage in reaping from corruption, the government has announced that it will roll out civic education to ensure that all citizens have equal opportunities to eat the national pie. Below is the government parrot's speech to announce the plans.

Dear citizens,

I know that you have not read the corruption survey report, but do not worry because I already read it for you. I am not surprised that the usual corruption suspects have emerged tops. They perfected the art of reaping from the corruption basket a long time ago. I am also not surprised that lawyers and land surveyors are suspected to make tidy sums out of the bribes and inducements you invest in them. You are  all too kind, but I can't help feeling sorry for you because you have been reduced to victims. But do not worry, I will sort you out so that you can also reap the fruits of corruption.

As you well know by now, the recently released corruption survey cannot pass unmentioned because if it did I would have failed in my duty as the chief government parrot. I am sure you heard about the Indian minister who told his countrymen that while looting is a no-no, pinching a little bit from the public coffers is OK and I agree with him. And that is what we as a government have decided to teach you to do. It has come to our attention, by way of our advisors that every time a report on corruption is released, the common mwananchi feel shortchanged because they can only watch as the bigwigs eat. Being an election year, we cannot afford to have you all resentful towards us so we will show you how to reap where you are because you are not in a position to loot like the bigwigs. You probably remember those hapless diaspora scientists who were trying to force an anti-corruption vaccine down your babies' throats. They had us disturbed because for a moment we thought you would side with them and demand the vaccines. But thankfully you were sensible enough and defended corruption, because I'm sure we all know that one day it will be your turn to eat big. For now I can only promise to teach you how to eat the breadcrumbs as you work your way up. Last year, I promised to roll out civic education to teach you how you can also benefit from corruption.

I must apologize for the delay in rolling out this long overdue and revolutionary skills transfer programme. But as you all understand, new projects such as this provide opportunities for eating higher up the corruption chain. Hopefully after the big cats are done dipping their hands in the funds set aside for this project, there will be some left to trickle down to you in form of civic education. It is a win-win situation: A fat cat will line his pockets and you will acquire skills to play in your local corruption league. You will no longer be left out or reduced to victims who only pay bribes and watch while the receivers get wealthier. But before that let me get this off my chest.

I heard you give an average of Sh9,000 as bribes. And you call yourselves "sufferers"!? You guys are rich and soon I will teach you how to get people to line your pockets too. Also, some of you said that you don't know where to report incidents of corruption. How silly! What do you want to report corruption for? Don't be naive! Get on the bus and make some money for yourselves because times are hard. In any case, we have made sure that the offices where you could report are too far or otherwise inaccessible, so give up already!

And now dear citizens, I cannot say for sure when the civic education will start, but I can assure you that the bigwigs are almost done carving out their cuts and once we see what's left to work with we'll put you on board. In the meantime I will give you a helpful hint. This is how it works: when you want a job you bribe someone and you get in. So close your eyes and think: what are you doing every day that people can bribe you for? Wives why are you performing wifely duties for free? Teachers why do you complain about earning peanuts when you can get bribes from parents to get their children into your top-performing class? Those are just tidbits and the rest will be given to you during civic education. Until then, I am your proud parrot.

Scientists establish human mating season

Scientists are on the verge of identifying the human mating season, the preliminary report of an ongoing study has revealed.

According to leading gynaecologists based at the Human Fertility Research Programme, human beings, just like other animals, have a mating season, but this could vary from one region to another. However, the human mating season is different from the animal oestrus cycle for the obvious reason that humans are higher up the superiority chain in the animal kingdom.

"We like to think of ourselves as superior, but we are really just another bunch of animals in the jungle experiencing animal tendencies just like the rest of the beasts," Dr Reale Mate, the lead scientist in the study, said during the launch of the preliminary report.

While animals experience an oestrus cycle at specific times of the year when the female is said to be "on heat", and during which the females are sexually active, human beings are not restricted in their their sexual activity, and  can indulge at any time of the month. However, the scientists want to prove that there is a specific season when majority of  female humans conceive and that is what they are calling the mating season.

The ongoing study seeks to establish when exactly the human mating season starts based on the months when most pregnancies are recorded. The scientists suspect that contrary to public opinion which believes that mating season may be in the June - July period, the real heats start around  December to February every year.

"The Kenyan winter season (Late May to early August) does not feature anywhere on our charts because at that time, the reproductive cells are too frozen to accomplish their mission. Only the fittest make it.

"The real mating season likely starts after late September, peaking around November and December and goes up to February. The temperatures then are more conducive to give the right environment for the cells to make the reproductive journey," Dr Mate explained.

The results of the study are expected to be released  in February next year, followed by control studies to establish the validity of the claims.

In related news, women who are not currently expectant are crying foul after being left out of the prevailing baby boom. They are now calling on the government to turn back the hands of time by a few months to enable them get pregnant, so that they can also enjoy maternity leave like their colleagues.

"I never got the memo that women had plotted to be expectant at this time. It is unfortunate that I will be left at work for three lonely months while my sisters enjoy the fruits of their wombs," a distressed female worker told our reporter.

However, once the final HRFP study has been released, clueless women who do not want to be left out during the baby production season, will find it easier to synchronize their reproductive activities with the human mating season with greater success.


Did you know:


Fact or Fiction: Do women who live together menstruate together?

The claim that women who live together  have synchronised menstrual cycles has been the subject of much debate ever since it was introduced roughly 40 years ago by Martha McClintock, an American researcher. After comparing data of women who spent a lot of time together McClintock found that the gap between the menstrual onset dates decreased over one year for women who spent most of their time together. However counter- researchers have claimed that since women have persistent cycles of different lengths, their cycles can never truly synchronise. What happens is their cycles randomly phase in and out of synchrony and there is no evidence to support the synchrony claim.
The research continues.

Blast from my past: Risk and a verse

Back when I was in high school I dabbled in verse because I was bored. The education system was so intent on theory and rote learning, while I prefer something more fun, exploratory and practical.

I doodled all over my notebook instead of taking down notes, before I discovered a different way to daydream - by writing verse. My mother came across my collection and was shocked because (I guess) I had composed something a bit more grown-up than she would have expected. I stumbled on her reading it, and cursed myself for not hiding my notebooks in a safer place, but it was too late. She asked me: Is this what they teach you at school? And of course I had no answer, as I fidgeted uneasily and avoided her eyes.

I continued to compose verses till I completed school and a while longer thereafter. And that practice in writing random verses was not in vain because it won me a few Canadian dollars four years after I left high school.

Below is the winning entry in the text category of the 2008 YAHAnet's contest on risk and HIV/AIDS.

The poem illustrates that a person will engage in a behaviour which they know puts them at risk, because they are getting some sort of payoff (reward) for engaging in that behaviour. This perceived reward ensures that the person persists in a behaviour which they know has negative and unwanted consequences for them. For instance, in this poem, a girl has a boyfriend who has multiple sexual partners.The girl goes ahead to have unprotected sex with him, even though she is aware of the risk (of getting HIV) involved. She persists in this risky behaviour because she values the feeling of love she gets from this relationship so greatly, that it becomes the payoff that sustains her risky behaviour.

The verse was inspired by Dr Phil. I had just read one of his books.

PS- I do not consider myself a poet.

Deadly Payoffs: Why I Risk It

Dear auntie, when you sat me down

And told me to be careful in my relations with men

I knew you did it out of love

Don't get me wrong, I listened

And took in all you had to say

But auntie, I did not have a boyfriend then

So I thought, "It's so easy to be safe."

Dear auntie, I was so lonely

O how I longed to be loved by a man

Then he came into my life

And swept me right off my feet

I remembered your advice

And vowed to keep myself safe

But I did not know I would fall so deep in love

So I said, "I'll be safe, It's so easy"

Dear auntie he treats me so well

I feel like a princess, a star

And then came the moment

He asked me to have sex

I did not know his status, neither he mine

But it felt so natural, so safe

Even without protection

The only risk on my mind was

"Would I get pregnant?"

Dear auntie, he has three other girlfriends

I found their photos, and some used condoms at his house

I felt uneasy, could I be at risk?

And when I confronted him, he assured me

Nothing to worry about

We still do it unprotected

I wonder, "Am I really at risk?"

Dear auntie, they teach us all about HIV

In school, on tv and on the radio

Why then, do I not make good choices

To keep me safe from HIV

Auntie, I've never felt so loved before

And I do not want to lose his love

So even with all I know, I still put myself at risk

http://yahanet.org/gallery/written/271

Give me a clean needle for my vice

Burying one's head in the sand must be the most comfortable thing to do.

How else would anyone explain, the constant refusal to deal with issues that won't go away unless someone deals with them realistically? 

But it is so much easier to act like they do not exist. After all, some of these issues do not quite affect us - at least not directly.

Like the drug problem.

Once in a while a sordid television documentary shows us dazed zombies in drug abuse hot- spots. They speak of living in a self-inflicted hell that they cannot get out of; and tell of the careless risks they take to get money to feed their drug habit, without which their lives would be incomplete. And as they share the spoils of violent robberies, the needles, the blood, the high - they also share the virus.

 

Since most of us still have hearts, we are moved into wordy protests by the helplessness of the drug abuse victims.

“The drug lords are well-known and should be arrested!” we bay for blood, before we resign to fate as we realize that it is a complex affair; and slowly slide back to our relatively drug-free existence.

But for public health officials, drug users, particularly those who inject drugs, pose a big problem in their efforts to control the spread of HIV.

A report by three UN organisations  indicated that HIV prevalence among injecting drug users in Kenya was at 21 per cent. In Nairobi an estimated one in three injecting drug users are infected with HIV.

As they share needles, and possibly infected blood, they are not only a risk unto themselves, but also to the general population.

Thus, this is a group we cannot afford to ignore as we talk about getting to zero new infections. Remember the promise? 

It is against this backdrop that Kenya will join 82 other countries, worldwide, that have needle exchange programmes. The programme will be rolled out in Nairobi and Mombasa this month, and targets 49,000 injecting drug users. 

In needle exchange programmes, injecting drug users are provided with clean/sterile needles and syringes, and safe disposal of used syringes; to reduce sharing of needles and the spread of HIV, Hepatitis C and other blood-borne diseases.

Moreover, needle exchange programmes are not just about providing clean needles, they also provide an opportunity for drug users to learn about safe injection practices and disposal, safe sex and get referral for therapy, rehabilitation and treatment.

The evidence speaks for itself in countries that have adopted this kind of programme.

According to avert.org  a 1997 study carried out in 81 cities worldwide, found that HIV infection rates increased by 5.9 per cent in 52 cities without a needle exchange programme. The study published in The Lancet also found that the infection rate decreased by 5.8 per year in the 29 cities that had a needle exchange programme.

Moreover, in a ten-year study of injecting drug users in New York, HIV prevalence fell from 54 to 13 per cent following the introduction of needle exchange programmes.

However, needle exchange programmes are controversy-rousing affairs. Should government (taxes) fund programmes to give people who are self-destructing clean needles?

It is no different in Kenya, where as soon as the plan (funded by the Global Fund) was announced, opposition against it began. Many have claimed that it will only escalate the drug problem and attract new users.

It could also be argued that those who get HIV in the course of using drugs are reaping the sins of drug abuse and the risks that come with it. But at what cost to the public health system?

It seems those who are against the programme, are seeing this from one narrow angle. 

I remember a Daily Nation feature by Arthur Okwemba in March, where religious leaders were quoted saying that they regretted their previous approach to fighting HIV, after realising that using a moral lens just did not work.

They realised, 27 years after HIV was first diagnosed in Kenya, that their method contributed to among other things silence, denial, inaction and mis-action, and undermined national HIV prevention, treatment and care efforts.

According to the 2008 Kenya Aids Indicator Survey, 100,000 people are infected with HIV every year. 

While married people account for the highest rate of new infections at 44 per cent; Drug users specifically account for 3.8 per cent of the new infections.

Sharing needles among drug abusers is a major HIV transmission route. So what better way to reduce this transmission among drug users who cannot drop the habit, than needle replacement programmes that provide them with sterile needles and remove contaminated needles from circulation?

Anyone who is committed to promoting safer practices and to zero new infections, would support any programme that will help reach that mark sooner rather than later.

It is probably more expensive to treat a person living with HIV than it is to provide free needles.

You may not agree with all the interventions to fight the virus, but if something works, we should embrace it.

The Catholic Church had, for a long time, been opposed to the use of condoms, but last year in a book by Peter Seewald titled: Light of the World: The Pope, the Church and the Signs of the Times, Pope Benedict XVI hinted at a change in stance. He said contraceptives could be used in exceptional circumstances to reduce infections among certain groups.

What about you? Are you going to be part of the problem, or are you going to support a solution?

One Day I Will Write

Lately I've had episodes of wisdom and flashes of enlightenment that have me thinking it would be a good time to start writing my memoirs.

An apt title would be One Day I Will Write About This Place but Binyavanga Wainaina beat me to it with his critically acclaimed memoir. Though I have not read the book yet, the title alone is enough to get me interested. It has a nice nostalgic ring to it; the kind of nostalgia that would give me a literary high.

The East African edition published by Kwani Trust, is being launched in two days and I am already expectant.

I have read a few autobiographies and certainly The Long Walk To Freedom by Nelson Mandela left an indelible mark. But as I mentioned at the beginning, this year I have experienced events that have challenged me to shift from a memoir reader to a memoir writer.

It began in March. It was a dark month that I would rather sweep under the carpet and act as if it never happened. But something tells me that the March story has to be told at some point.

Now that I mention it, it began way before the third month, with events that lined up like stars to decide my fate. It was a steady downward spiral, sprinkled with an assuming attitude that saw me admitted to hospital.

Yeah, apart from giving me three days experience in a hospital bed, and wishing every moment that this was not happening. I met a loving, but sick mother of another young lady like myself and her words got me thinking. I got a reassurance of friendship and that of a mother's love, that would require a lengthy tribute in itself. If I have never appreciated my mother, that is when I truly understood the turmoil of motherhood and the love that tempers it.

That is a story I tell in bits because I am not ready to tell it fully. But one day I am going to write about it. I have bookmarked it in my mind and I will tell that story fully because I know it will be a balm to another person.

Reflecting on this makes me understand why, many times, the subjects of my writings want to hold back on sharing painful memories. No one wants to open wounds and shout to the world that they  were less than perfect, but the thing is that when you do, the healing begins.

Sentimental stuff is made of this, but what is life without a dose of crazy?

In my memoir I will write about dating con artists. For a person who could easily be awarded an honorary diploma in relationship expertise, by virtue of my work, I have had my fair share of hilarious drama in that area. I'm not sure where to start without breaking into endless laughter, so I'll save it for the memoir.

There are so many other stories of struggle, of triumph and defeat; comedies, epics, dramas and running over. It will make a thick book to tell this story.

Everyone has a story, which when shared will touch another life by way of entertainment, growth and in many other ways. Those who tell their stories find meaning and healing.

This is my story, what's yours?

When we died of thirst

Growing up on the slopes of Mount Kenya, where streams of pure water flow against smooth pebbles and sand, water was never an issue.

There was so much water to take for granted, especially as we splashed around in it, and disturbed the quiet life of water beetles in the process.

Of course at a certain age, girls began to hunt for water beetles. Myth had it that if you put a water beetle to your chest and it happened to bite in the right place, that place would blossom to the envy of flat-chested pre-teen girls.

I have never been one to subject myself to unnecessary pain and I opted to let the beetles be and let nature take it's course. It eventually did.

Back to the water.

With so much water around us, to do with as we pleased, it pained me to watch documentaries of young girls in arid lands, girls my age, living in the same country as I - and yet having to struggle so much for water while I played. Girls with sunken eyes and parched lips.

It touched my heart then, but little did I know that I would soon be facing water problems, though not at the scale that the parched sections of the country faced.

As I grew, so did global warming. Words like climate change became frequent in the conversations I heard. Moreover, having moved from the slopes, the reality of dry taps struck me in the face.

The water sector had by now been privatised to make the service more efficient, but as the sector changed from public to private hands, things did not just remain the same, they got worse. (What did we expect when we don't expand infrastructure to cater for the growing population?)

I had never known a scenario where you had to wait for days to get clean water flowing from the tap. But at least the water company 'gave' us water three days a week and slapped us with a regular bill every end of the month.

Recently, I had stories of frogs flowing from taps - but that is something I would not want to get into.

There are places I lived, where we had to wait up for water to the wee hours and when it came, it was a trickle that was to be shared by all the neighbours queued with their containers - from the smallest cup to the largest tank. Woe unto you if the water ran out before your turn to fetch came along.

Nowadays, water issues are a normal part of life, so when we mark World Water Day and think of sustainable ways to fix our water problems, I know where the shoe pinches.

However, I cannot claim to have walked tens of kilometres to get the precious life-sustaining liquid. On the rare occasion that the water company withholds water for more than a week, there are numerous water vendors that save us from the long walk and deliver it to our doorsteps.

We can't live without it, we need to preserve and protect our catchment areas - our water towers.  We need to use and re-use it sustainably. We need to sober up and deal with this. If we do not, we will surely die of thirst.

AOB.

1. I appeal to the water company to provide water to the Public Service Vehicle crews at least twice a week. A trip to anywhere next to a smelly, unwashed person can be rather unnerving. Sweating on a hot day doesn't mean that your body has self-cleaned - go take a bath!

2. The irony of our drinking water supplier in denying us water without notice, on World Water Day, so that we can stand in solidarity with those who lack water. We should be given adequate notice next time.

3. Is it only in Kenya where the landlord rations water? He gags it during the day, complains that you have too many guests who use gallons of water to flush the loo, and generally polices your water use like a maniac. You have to apply to use water for every little thing. Surely, we are more responsible than that now - especially after realizing how endangered the liquid is.

4. Who follows that advice about taking eight glasses a day consistently? It is good for you, but we all know that we seldom do what the doctor ordered, unless it becomes a matter of life or death.