Electoral commission to hold free elections

The electoral commission has revised its budget for the elections to be held next year to zero.

"After the recent by-elections we had a light-bulb moment and we decided to do something new.

"We want to prove that you do not need any money to host free and fair elections. We can proudly announce that we have moved from the list of the most expensive elections, to the least expensive league. When we talk of free elections, we absolutely mean it and we deserve a direct entry in the Guiness Book because we are going down in history," the electoral chief boasted during a press briefing held after hours of  meeting with electoral staff.

This decision comes as a surprise to many voters who have been watching the revisions from the initial amount of Sh 40 billion downwards to Sh33 billion and finally settling on the Sh17 billion allocated to the elections budget in June.

In reaction to this announcement, the government treasurer was pleasantly surprised because this means that the Sh17 billion he set aside for elections is up for grabs for misappropriation by the usual scavengers.

“This election was literally going to drain our coffers dry and we almost had nothing left to divert to political campaigns and also to our off-shore accounts,” he said visibly animated at the prospects of having a pseudo-windfall to play with.

When asked how the free elections would be achieved bearing in mind that election materials need to be procured and staff paid, the electoral chief said it was a secret that would be revealed at the ballot.

"We are keeping our cards close because we do not want any other electoral body to beat us to this historic achievement. But we urge all voters to show up with their identity cards because that is all they need to vote."

This development has been welcomed by most Kenyans who were wondering where the money for the pay raise awarded to teachers and lecturers to end a three-week work boycott, would come from. Moreover, random Kenyans interviewed by our reporter said that they were satisfied with the electoral body's move and called on a few other state corporations to give up the funds allocated to them in the Budget to enable the demands of doctors who are still on strike to be met.