The things we do for beauty!

"Do you have any metal in your body?" 

I looked up at the beautician, startled.

"...You know, like a coil, tooth filling ...," she prompted as I continued to stare at her blankly.

I pondered her question for a few seconds, doing an inventory of my dentist and hospital visits to trace if I had ever had any metal inserted in my body.

"No!" I shook my head vigorously, and satisfied, she went back into the dim inner room, where she had been tinkling with equipment for a good 40 minutes since I walked in.

I wanted to run out of the salon and never come back. Surely any treatment that couldn't be done on someone who had a tooth filling could not be healthy for anyone! What if I had some metal in my body that I did not know about? What if some enzymes had reacted with neutrons to form copper or iron in my body? What if I got electrocuted... what if ... what if ...

The beautician was back again, ushering me into the inner room where the facial would be done. I had a mani-pedi done here a month ago, and though I wasn't happy about how it was done, I was eager to try the facial which one of attendants had sung endlessly about -- the one where a machine, and not the beautician's hands, did everything. That is what I was now here for, and that is what I was now facing with trepidation. If the beautician whipped out a consent form waiving any responsibility if anything happened to me, I would be so out of here.

The treatment room was lit with a dim bluish light, with clinically white walls and an imposing machine that looked like one of those machines that are found in a hospital's ICU complete with regular beeps as if monitoring vital signs and a dental light, in one corner, and the bare essentials (cleanser, scrub, mask, etc) on a shelf in the opposite corner. The room was as cold as a hospital theatre, but I dutifully undressed and wrapped myself in the huge and cosy pearl white towel lying on the bed. I was ready for whatever would be.

The beautician came in and dove straight in. She slathered a cold gel on my face and rolled a pumice ball over it, just like a radiologist doing an ultrasound would, but only this time it was on my face, neck, chest and shoulders. A few minutes later, a brush foamed all around my face, chest and shoulders and every time it tickled the base of my neck, I stifled the urge to let out bubbles of laughter. And so it went on for a while: wipe, pumice, brush, tickle, stifle ... pumice, brush, tickle, stifle ... For a moment the glare of the dental light above my closed eyes, and the bleeping of the machine, went off and I heard the beautician shuffle out of the room, fumble with the mains before coming back to the pumice, brush, tickle, stifle rhythm for a few more minutes.

She wiped my face, and put on the steamers for a while.

"Is it too hot?"

"Only on this side," I answered, pointing to my left cheek.

After steaming, she massaged a cool gel on my face and used what felt like a suction pipe all over my face.

"Smooch! Smooch!" It sucked, and I couldn't help but smile.

Another wipe of the face and an "Usiogope (Don't be afraid)"

I twitched, "Kwa nini?" (Why?)

"Utasikia kama shock ..." (It will feel somewhat like mild electrocution)

Uh-oh! This was the dreadful part, right?

I could hear the buzz of a live electric current and felt welders' sparks meet my skin as if through a live wire. She was burning the acne but there was no pain. She burnt, and burnt, and burnt, until my fears were burnt away. Then she put the "welding machine" away and sprayed my face with a cool mist, then more steam, then squeezed a few stubborn blackheads with a blackhead remover.

She then used a stick to apply a sweet sticky gel on my face, something I recognised a few seconds later as a mask. And as it dried, she ironed my chest with a hot iron, only pausing to ask if it was too hot.

She then peeled off the dried mask, wiped my face with a warm cloth, and asked if I would use their night cream (I said no, I would use my own moisturiser at home). She then told me to sit up as she ironed my back with that hot iron, which I later learnt was a massager, and told me that for best results, I should go for three more facial treatments; one every fortnight and my face would thank me forever. I laughed, told her that my budget would never allow it, but promised to be back in a month.

As I dressed up, I thought of paying the full amount, contrary to what I had negotiated with the attendant; she had shaved off Sh500 from my bill after I haggled for a lower price at the beginning, but I now felt willing to pay the full amount.The experience was worth it. I paid my bill, sticking to the discounted price lest I jinx future bargains, and walked home smiling from ear to ear.

Now a few weeks later, there's an odd pimple here and there, many old scars and a yearning to try something new, something natural. The next regimen to heal my face begins soon. :)

An open letter to Strathmore University on their handling of the emergency drill

1st December, 2015

Dear Strathmore University leaders,

I have looked for your official email addresses all night to no avail. It is now morning and I have no more time left to sacrifice in that pursuit, so allow me to say my piece to you here.

First of all, I applaud your efforts at trying to boost disaster preparedness in the Strathmore fraternity. Given the realities of terror in this country and in the world at large, it is very important that we all know how to respond in the case of a terror attack and any other (unpredictable) emergency situation.

Unfortunately, few institutions have taken up the challenge to prepare their charges for such situations and the few who have, like yourself, must be commended for that. But first a few definitions: A drill is a TEST that happens after adequate TRAINING. Training is teaching. I am alive to the fact that not all students and staff will be trained, and there might be untrained visitors during the drill, however, it would be expected that most of your students and staff have been trained several times on how to respond to various emergencies, bearing in mind that different emergencies may call for a different response. For example, you might respond to fire a little differently than to an armed attacker or to a flood. Once you are satisfied that you have met the standards of adequate training, you can then proceed to test at random through drills.

During training the trainees should be made aware that drills are random to mimic the randomness of a real emergency. However, if the numerous reports from your students on social media are anything to go by, then they either did not receive adequate training before the test (drill) or received no training at all prior to the test. In your own press statement after the drill, you wrote and I quote with capitals for emphasis: "In preparation for this (drill) TEAMS of SECURITY MARSHALLS comprising of staff, students and emergency response teams WERE TRAINED on evacuation, assembly points and exit points."

Anyone with an inkling of information on security drills will tell you that security marshalls form a fraction of the population in which the drill will take place. If only a (small) fraction know what to do in an emergency, how then do you later go on to claim that "The simulation was aimed at TESTING the preparedness of the university community and emergency team in the event of an attack."?

The emergency team passed with flying colors, obviously so, as they had already been trained (great applause from your press statement), but what of the larger university community who took the test without prior training? You may disagree with me, but their response was disastrous. One person dead during a DRILL is one too many. Thirty-one people injured to the point of hospitalisation during a DRILL are just too many. It beats the purpose of testing for disaster preparedness when you already know that majority of your students and staff are ill-equipped to handle a terror attack.

As if a life lost and tens injured and hospitalised was not bad (saddening) enough, in your press statement you appeared to shrug it all off: "Some students and staff panicked and got injured ... situation is under control ... normal operations have resumed ... the university will cater for medical expenses for injuries incurred during the drill ... counselling will be provided for the affected ..."

Normal operations resumed for whom? Did you not see the trauma your students poured out on social media, the only "safe" space they could turn to in their hour of need? Are those the same people for whom normal operations had resumed. Will paying Esther Midemba's mortuary, funeral and burial costs bring her back to life because "normal operations have resumed"?

But you already washed your hands off this matter. To you it was a successful drill, and like any other successful drill, there was collateral damage -- nothing significant, just a negligible number; mere statistics. But let me remind you that one life lost during a drill is ONE TOO MANY. Thirty-one people injured to the point of hospitalisation are just too many. Thirty-two is not just a number. These are precious humans and the least you could give them in this time of pain, trauma and loss is some sensitivity, some empathy, some dignity.

You may be too proud to admit that things went awry (I mean tragic) but could you please be humble enough to be sensitive to Esther's memory (may her soul rest in peace). A little sensitivity even to the injured would go a long way, but it appears you are more interested in thumping your chest and asserting that all is well. Could you stop for a moment to empathise with the pain, the tears, the trauma, the loss of all those affected? Or are they just collateral damage in an otherwise very successful drill? Are they mere statistics, a negligible fraction of the Strathmore population? Or are they humans who matter and who got hurt in a process that was meant to be for their own good?

Remember they see you as the genesis of their pain, their trauma, their loss. Please, get an expert to help you with the messaging for crisis communication to avoid inflicting any more pain. One person traumatised is one too many. It'd be better for you to remain silent than for you to communicate apathy, indifference, nonchalance.

 The 31+1 who are visibly injured (one dead) are human and deserve dignity, please. And you can be sure there are many others invisibly (invisible to you) affected by the events of yesterday. We cannot undo the past, we can only learn from it. I know right now you are more focused on "intensive assessment of the key lessons learnt" so you can produce a report for the authorities. One more thing to check off your checklist before you put all this behind you and move on with your lives and repeat another drill some time in the future to test the "key lessons learnt" from previous drill. Spit, rinse, repeat.

But pause, take a few moments to reflect on the happenings of yesterday. You don't have to be quick to respond. Aside from learning that the Strathmore fraternity is or is not adequately prepared to respond to attacks, have you learnt anything about seeing your students and staff as more than just a number, as humans who deserve to be treated not with the terror you want to prepare them to respond to effectively, but with humanity and dignity? Strathmore is known for excellence, for going beyond the superficial to develop the whole (wo)man. Please, live up to the Strathmore we know. You can do better. Do better.

 PS - don't forget empathy. Empathy. Empathy. Thirty-two is not just a number.

Your eternal admirer

Solution to the education crisis finally found

Nakuru teachers protest on 7th September, 2015. Photo: Suleiman Mbatiah/Daily Nation

The government has finally found a lasting solution to the perennial teachers' strikes as it had promised to do at the tail end of a televised presidential address on Sunday.

Bogus News can now reveal that even as the president made his speech, there was a team working diligently behind the scenes to come up with the much-needed solution that would put an end to the recurrent yearly work boycotts by school instructors. The aim of the solution seekers committee, made up of representatives from the TSC, treasury, and a selection of well-paid,  high-ranking government officials, was to find a way to reduce the percentage of the public wage bill that goes to paying teachers salaries, rather than implementing the High Court ruling that determined teachers should get a pay rise of between 50 and 60 per cent.

One member of this special team who cannot be named for fear of being charged with "betraying the government's confidence", told this Bogus News reporter that the court ruling was not binding and that it was considered as a mere suggestion that could be ignored.

Leaked documents from that lengthy meeting, that lasted all day Sunday and spilled over into the wee hours of the night, eventually ending late afternoon Monday, show that after debating millions of possibilities, the committee members narrowed down to three possibilities, which all involve firing the entire current public teaching staff.

Cheap teachers from China

The government would import cheap Chinese teachers, preferably untrained, to replace the entire public teaching staff. On closer examination, this idea was quickly discarded because of the language barrier problems it would initially pose. The Chinese teachers would require English language training. The committee of solution seekers proposed that Chinese would then become the national language of instruction in line with the government's foreign policy of "facing East." It also emerged that with the Chinese official unemployment rate being only four per cent, the government might not get enough manpower from the Asian nation to fill up all the teaching vacancies.

Homeschooling

The other option that the committee of solution seekers considered, was closing all public schools for good and changing educational policies to require children to be taught at home. With Kenya's youth unemployment  rate of about 17 per cent according to World Bank figures, the government would table a bill in parliament to offer these unemployed youth unpaid "internships" to homeschool children in their neighbourhoods. The team suggested that most Kenyan youth would take up this offer, because they were desperate, they needed the work experience and needed something to keep them busy. Parents would be advised to offer the homeschool interns food during the time they spent teaching their kids. Youth in the NYS would also be required to take up teaching duties as homeschool teachers, in addition to unblocking sewers and cleaning up slums, but they would only get an additional Sh30 per week above the Sh471 daily rate that they currently enjoy. The government would also require that one parent in two-parent homes  resign, to focus on home schooling his/her children without pay. Opinion was divided on this idea and it did not arouse much excitement from most of the team.

"Really, teaching is all about dedication and passion, so money should not come in anywhere; it is a non-issue," the chairman of the solution seekers committee told our Bogus News reporter.

Contract teachers

The last idea which had the meeting room abuzz with excitement was to offer one-year, non-renewable contracts, to fresh graduates from teacher training colleges (TTC) and universities, as well as Standard Eight and Form Four dropouts, and just about anybody who was willing to take up the public teaching jobs. Graduate teachers, whether they had just an undergraduate degree, or a master's or even a PhD, and regardless of what position they held in the school, whether head of departments or head teachers, would be paid a flat-rate of Sh25, 000 with no allowances, benefits, perks or pension. TTC teachers would be paid a flat-rate of Sh18, 000, while the school dropouts would be paid anything between Sh5, 000 and 10, 000 without any allowances or pension. The good thing would be that only the teachers earning Sh25, 000 would be required to remit Sh5, 000 to KRA every month; the rest would enjoy tax-free, perk-free, allowance-free and pension-free salaries. At the end of the year, teachers would automatically lose their jobs and could only be considered for another contract job after a waiting period of at least two years.

"This is the most workable and lasting solution and I'm sure everyone, except the selfish and unpatriotic striking teachers and their union representatives, will be happy with it. When we implement this, we will not have to raise taxes, borrow for recurrent expenditure or cut our development budget. Above all, you can be sure that there will be never be another teachers' strike in Kenya," said the grinning chairman of the solution seekers committee, as seen and heard in a secret video recording that was sent to our newsroom by one of the committee members.

The committee members are expected to table the report to the head of state when he jets back into the country. However, they are still grappling with how they will fire the tens of thousands of teachers who are currently in public service without facing irritating wrongful dismissal lawsuits. However, a new committee of experts will be formed to address this niggling consequential matter, after which the official government parrot will be tasked with breaking the news to the country.

Keep it here for all the details as the story unfolds.

Man caught on camera with torn underwear? - Blame the wife!

Why is it that when a man has a wardrobe malfunction, his wife is blamed for it? Don't men have eyes and working brains to check that their clothes are in order, and to notice that there's something off about their clothes before wearing them?

I have read many profiles of professional women and they almost always disclose that they wake up very early in the morning to prepare their husbands for work, then their children for school and lastly themselves for work. It is understandable that a woman would wake up early to get her children ready for school, but her grown and able husband? What now? Is he an impaired two-year-old who can't do anything for himself? I find it particularly disturbing when women have to take the blame for their husbands' sloppiness and even go ahead to apologise publicly for it, as is common when a male public figure has a wardrobe malfunction in full glare of the cameras.

From left: Josephine Michuki, Ida Odinga and Susan Mboya-Kidero all took responsibility for the wardrobe malfunctions of their spouses.

I remember last year when Nairobi governor Evans Kidero was photographed wearing torn socks at the launch of a new spa in Westlands, Nairobi, the next day, his wife, Susan Mboya-Kidero, took full responsibility for her husband's wardrobe malfunction, explained that it had happened because her husband left the house before she could approve what he was wearing, apologised to Nairobians for her husband's wardrobe gaffe, and vowed that she would not allow it to happen again.

Kidero was photographed wearing a torn sock

Nairobi News reported that Dr Mboya-Kidero said, “As many Nairobians know, my husband leaves the house by 5.30 a.m. each day, sometimes before I see what he has worn,” she said.

“I am putting stricter measures in place to ensure that this unfortunate incident is never repeated,” she said.

Before then, 10 years ago (March 2005), Josephine Michuki also had to apologise publicly when her husband, John Michuki, who was the member of parliament for Kangema and the minister for environment, was photographed at a public event in torn socks.

Michuki's torn sock as photographed in 2005

Today, the Standard published a photo of CORD leader Raila Odinga wearing a "laughing" shoe and though the bulk of the comments are dissing him as a person, I have seen a few people asking where his wife Ida was, in that she allowed him to step out with such a worn out shoe. Soon after photos of her husband in a "laughing" shoe went viral on social media, Ida Odinga came out to defend her husband, saying that as a fashionista, she would never allow her husband to go out in torn shoes and that Raila's shoe only got damaged after he bumped into a stone at St John's Everlasting Gospel Church in Imara Daima, Nairobi.

Raila's shoe as captured by a photographer from the Standard

This brings me to the issue of personal responsibility because in all these cases, the men never came out to defend themselves or make excuses for their wardrobe malfunctions, they just let it slide and watched as their wives came out to defend them, and to what end? It doesn't help that the media is always too quick to run to the wives for comment following such wardrobe faux pas by their husbands. Through such actions, the media, as part of society also acts as an enabler that keeps men from taking responsibility. It also doesn't help that the said wives are always too quick to offer an explanation when approached by journalists; they are not obligated to indulge them in this buffoonery, but they do. That aside, let's pause for a minute and think about this, if the shoe (or sock if you please) was on the other foot and a female public figure was photographed in torn shoes or whatever, would her husband take responsibility for that?

So when will men learn to take responsibility for their own actions and choices? This lack of personal responsibility also manifests when men cheat on their wives. Women are expected to take the blame for that: it is because you didn't do ABCD that he cheated on you. Even at bridal showers we are taught that you must do this and that: be a whore in the bedroom, a master chef in the kitchen, the best homemaker and your man will never stray; never mind that there are women who do all these prescribed things and their men still cheat. You'll never hear anyone telling men to do one thing or another to keep their wives from straying. It is almost expected that a wife will never stray because that is an abomination, but if the man strays, oh well, men cheat, get used to it!

Women also let cheating men off the hook too easily when they decide to attack the "other" woman. Why did she seduce my husband? If that husband-snatcher had not tempted my hubby he would not have slept with her! But when will the man ever take responsibility for making the decision to cheat on his wife? Never, because the wife and society won't let him.

It's not just about wardrobe malfunctions and cheating, there are many other instances in which we (women and society as a whole) don't allow men to take responsibility for their actions. We treat men like brainless robots who cannot be  held responsible for anything they do. No matter what a man does, we will always find a way to blame ourselves, as their wives, or blame his wife, for actions that he choose to take himself.

This is the 21st century and we need to rethink the role of women. Women were made for greater things than just ensuring that a man doesn't have torn underwear socks or clothes; surely a grown man can do that for himself! If you come late from your drinking sprees, don't cause a ruckus claiming that your wife has to be the one coming to open the door for you and warm your food or even make it from scratch in the wee hours of the night. Don't expect your wife to wake up at 5am to heat your bath water and carry it to the bathroom as you snore away enjoying uninterrupted sleep; you have hands, you can do it yourself. Please, stop acting like zombies; you are better than that. If you have brains, hands, eyes and all other body organs, they are at your disposal for a reason, use them!

Lawmakers vow to increase their pay by 20 per cent

Photo: gadocartoons.com

Kenyan members of parliament have reacted with shock to the use of the word's 'pay' and 'cut' in the same sentence. Their reaction at an emergency press conference came after the president announced that he and the deputy president would be taking a 20 percent pay cut on their salaries, while cabinet secretaries would take a 10 percent pay cut. Ironically, the president announced this resolution after a retreat for top government officials in one of the most expensive hotels in the country. Nevertheless, a government parrot, who attended the retreat explained that taking a pay cut did not mean that the top dogs would quit extravagant and wasteful spending of public funds.

"Pay cuts or not, we have to live a life worthy of our stature in society," he offered.

The president has also directed parastatal chiefs to take a 20 per cent salary cut. This new directive prompted MPs to call an emergency parliamentary meeting, oddly attended by all MPs, during which it emerged that it was illegal for the president to vary his salary during one term. For that reason, a handful of lawmakers volunteered to challenge the president's pay cut in court. MPs also pledged to ensure that the word 'rise' is reinstated to its former position in any sentence with the word 'pay' in it, and vowed to increase their salaries to prove that parliament is an independent body, that is free from external influence.

                                                                                                -Additional reporting by Mugambi Mutegi

No one cares about your excuses

I was running late and there was nothing much I could do about it. I could not get a convenient ride from dial-a-chopper to get me where I needed to be on time nor could I  run in record time to get there. All I could do was pray for the best.

I had scheduled two interviews hours and miles apart, knowing there was ample time in between to get to each without much of a fuss. However, as with many other best laid plans, mine came apart. I got delayed for the first interview, eating into my travel time for the second interview. I had to rush through the first so that I could barely make it, huffing and puffing into the second. It was at a place I wasn't too familiar with and I looked like a mad woman running from one block to the other asking the askaris I found for directions without really stopping to get them right. Eventually, I gobbled up the stairs to the first floor where our meeting was to take place and almost missed my host as she was walking out of her office. I was already in quite a state: not the picture one is supposed to present of herself for first impressions and especially not for a meeting with a lady boss whom you needed to remember you in good light: My face was moist with sweat, shoes dusty, and I out of breath. But I managed to mouth my introductions and to beg that she give me a few minutes of her time.

As I blurted out my excuses, she gave me a once over and sternly replied:

"Nobody cares about your excuses."

And then she went ahead to explain that she had other things on her schedule that she couldn't delay for my sake. I had had my slot on her to-do list but I wasted it. That wasn't her problem. Previously, I was used to people taking my excuses for lateness kindly and indulging me, after all were we not all African's with only a sense of African time? But this lady's remarks cut me, and she was right. After that lifetime lesson/ lecture, she gave me a warm welcoming smile. She only had 10 minutes to spare, would that be enough? I mouthed a quick yes and we went ahead to have a brief interview that went well and gleaned all of what I needed. She walked into her next meeting without huffing and puffing and I left her office with a lesson that I'll never forget: Nobody cares about your excuses. Nobody cares about your good intentions; what they want is to see the work done. Whenever, I want to make excuses for myself or anyone else, I remember that nobody cares about my excuses and I do what I need to do. I thought about this just before the recent anniversary of my birth. I looked at my life and the excuses I had given myself this past year, the fears I had given in to, the risks I had failed to take and the things I was yet to do and I remembered that nobody cares about my excuses, all they want is to see things happening. So I'm toasting to a more adventurous year where I take more risks. So help me God.

And here are the quotes I keep around my neck to remind me not to give any excuses:

• For many have but one resource to sustain them in their misery, and that is to think, “Circumstances have been against me, I was worthy to be something much better than I have been. I admit I have never had a great love or a great friendship; but that is because I never met a man or a woman who were worthy of it; if I have not written any very good books, it is because I had not the leisure to do so; or, if I have had no children to whom I could devote myself it is because I did not find the man I could have lived with. So there remains within me a wide range of abilities, inclinations and potentialities, unused but perfectly viable, which endow me with a worthiness that could never be inferred from the mere history of my actions.” But in reality and for the existentialist, there is no love apart from the deeds of love; no potentiality of love other than that which is manifested in loving; there is no genius other than that which is expressed in works of art. - Jean-Paul Satre

• I attribute my success to this - I never gave or took any excuse. - Florence Nightingale

• The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it. - Jordan Belfort

• At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets. - Steve Maraboli

• He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. - Benjamin Franklin

• Never make excuses. Your friends don't need them and your foes won't believe them. - John Wooden

• Do not make excuses, whether it's your fault or not. - George S Patton Jr

• The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions. - Dwight Eisenhower

• It's easy to blame traffic jam when you're late and in a hurry. - Toba Beta

Rogue women need to be tamed

A little slap goes a long way to tame a rogue woman.

I would never have thought how true this saying rings for many Kenyans, were it not for an incident last week.  You see, it’s been a while since I came across a gender violence story that shook me up as much as the one of the Nyeri man whose wife hacked his face and left a jigsaw of stitches that bore the evidence too well. So I have been under the impression that gender violence cases had gone down, though my assumption was not backed by any science.

As I write this, someone is probably being clobbered senseless in a spate of violence, whose aftermath may not reach the media unless it is too gory to be ignored. Numbers from the most recent demographic survey remind me that almost half (45%) of all Kenyan women aged 15-49years have experienced physical or sexual violence. Of those who were ever married in the five years before the survey, 47% experienced physical, emotional or sexual violence.  And three percent of women perpetrated violence against their husbands. (KDHS 2008/09)

These figures are too high for my liking, but I still entertain the romantic view that there is a type of man who would never lay his hand on a woman no matter what the circumstances. I imagined the Nairobi governor Dr Evans Kidero as one such man, but appearances do not necessarily make for accurate judgment; because last Friday, our dear governor Dr Kidero, allegedly slapped Nairobi Women Representative, Rachel Shebesh. Shebesh had stormed the governor’s office with a mob to demand for better pay for county workers. It all happened so fast and it is hard to decipher what really transpired, but there is a slap, the shocked cries of Shebesh wondering if she really has been slapped, and the arrogant answer of her assailant, "Yes, kwenda huko!"  Different sides have disputed what happened. Kidero does not recall slapping anybody and I guess we have all moved on from there.

 In the usual Kenyan fashion, there were a lot of jokes to be cracked about the whole scenario, which curiously looked like a scene from one of those Mexican soaps or Nigerian movies. Then there was the debate about whether Shebesh deserved to be slapped after all. One side argued that no matter the circumstances, the slap was not justified. The other side insisted that she brought it upon herself and that it was long overdue – this loud-mouthed and irritating rogue woman ought to have been slapped back to her senses a long time ago; heck, they would do the same if they were in Kidero's shoes. Someone added that he had never heard of anyone dying from a slap, so he couldn’t understand what the hullabaloo was about. Others wondered why there wasn't as much outrage when people like the former first lady allegedly slapped a government official. All in all there was a lot of justification for beating up a woman as illustrated in a storify I compiled titled: It's ok to beat up a woman if...

I found these attitudes, from both men and women who insisted that a 'rogue' woman like Shebesh should be tamed, very disturbing. More so because they were coming from the people I least expected to support violence of any kind – be it a little, harmless slap, or a heavy, senseless clobbering. Those who stood up for violence, were not necessarily the usual culprits I have in mind, every time I read a report on GBV in Kenya. Such reports usually cite culture as one of the reasons violence, especially against women, is still rampant, but I usually associate that with images of uncultured, hardcore traditionalists, who believe that women and children need to be beaten into place, lest they veer off the path of submission. They believe that beating up a woman is the normal African thing to do.

Now, in my mind there is a sharp contrast between them and an educated, urbane and well-exposed man – the latter would never lay a hand on a woman because he cares for good taste, has manners born of sound upbringing and education, or so I thought. After the Kidero-Shebesh incident, I have had to discard that notion because it seems the belief that there is a certain type of woman who deserves to be tamed with slaps and blows that put her firmly back in her place is very alive, deeply-rooted and widespread, even among men and women I wouldn't think would harbour such attitudes.

I do not condone violence against women or men, because I believe as civilised grownups, we should have figured out how to take charge of our emotions and deal with conflict in a mature way – there is no place for emotional outbursts and violence on the table of well-bred adults. And just like the Constitution in Article 28, I believe that every person should be treated with dignity and every person has the right not to be subjected to violence from either public or private (domestic) sources – Article 29(c)

Unfortunately, it seems we still have a long way to go before we get there.



 "Women's forced subordinate status (both economic and social) makes them vulnerable to violence and contributes to an environment that wrongly accepts, excuses and even expects violence against women" – NPCD policy brief 26, SGBV in Kenya: A Call for Action (June 2012)