Solution to the education crisis finally found

Nakuru teachers protest on 7th September, 2015. Photo: Suleiman Mbatiah/Daily Nation

The government has finally found a lasting solution to the perennial teachers' strikes as it had promised to do at the tail end of a televised presidential address on Sunday.

Bogus News can now reveal that even as the president made his speech, there was a team working diligently behind the scenes to come up with the much-needed solution that would put an end to the recurrent yearly work boycotts by school instructors. The aim of the solution seekers committee, made up of representatives from the TSC, treasury, and a selection of well-paid,  high-ranking government officials, was to find a way to reduce the percentage of the public wage bill that goes to paying teachers salaries, rather than implementing the High Court ruling that determined teachers should get a pay rise of between 50 and 60 per cent.

One member of this special team who cannot be named for fear of being charged with "betraying the government's confidence", told this Bogus News reporter that the court ruling was not binding and that it was considered as a mere suggestion that could be ignored.

Leaked documents from that lengthy meeting, that lasted all day Sunday and spilled over into the wee hours of the night, eventually ending late afternoon Monday, show that after debating millions of possibilities, the committee members narrowed down to three possibilities, which all involve firing the entire current public teaching staff.

Cheap teachers from China

The government would import cheap Chinese teachers, preferably untrained, to replace the entire public teaching staff. On closer examination, this idea was quickly discarded because of the language barrier problems it would initially pose. The Chinese teachers would require English language training. The committee of solution seekers proposed that Chinese would then become the national language of instruction in line with the government's foreign policy of "facing East." It also emerged that with the Chinese official unemployment rate being only four per cent, the government might not get enough manpower from the Asian nation to fill up all the teaching vacancies.

Homeschooling

The other option that the committee of solution seekers considered, was closing all public schools for good and changing educational policies to require children to be taught at home. With Kenya's youth unemployment  rate of about 17 per cent according to World Bank figures, the government would table a bill in parliament to offer these unemployed youth unpaid "internships" to homeschool children in their neighbourhoods. The team suggested that most Kenyan youth would take up this offer, because they were desperate, they needed the work experience and needed something to keep them busy. Parents would be advised to offer the homeschool interns food during the time they spent teaching their kids. Youth in the NYS would also be required to take up teaching duties as homeschool teachers, in addition to unblocking sewers and cleaning up slums, but they would only get an additional Sh30 per week above the Sh471 daily rate that they currently enjoy. The government would also require that one parent in two-parent homes  resign, to focus on home schooling his/her children without pay. Opinion was divided on this idea and it did not arouse much excitement from most of the team.

"Really, teaching is all about dedication and passion, so money should not come in anywhere; it is a non-issue," the chairman of the solution seekers committee told our Bogus News reporter.

Contract teachers

The last idea which had the meeting room abuzz with excitement was to offer one-year, non-renewable contracts, to fresh graduates from teacher training colleges (TTC) and universities, as well as Standard Eight and Form Four dropouts, and just about anybody who was willing to take up the public teaching jobs. Graduate teachers, whether they had just an undergraduate degree, or a master's or even a PhD, and regardless of what position they held in the school, whether head of departments or head teachers, would be paid a flat-rate of Sh25, 000 with no allowances, benefits, perks or pension. TTC teachers would be paid a flat-rate of Sh18, 000, while the school dropouts would be paid anything between Sh5, 000 and 10, 000 without any allowances or pension. The good thing would be that only the teachers earning Sh25, 000 would be required to remit Sh5, 000 to KRA every month; the rest would enjoy tax-free, perk-free, allowance-free and pension-free salaries. At the end of the year, teachers would automatically lose their jobs and could only be considered for another contract job after a waiting period of at least two years.

"This is the most workable and lasting solution and I'm sure everyone, except the selfish and unpatriotic striking teachers and their union representatives, will be happy with it. When we implement this, we will not have to raise taxes, borrow for recurrent expenditure or cut our development budget. Above all, you can be sure that there will be never be another teachers' strike in Kenya," said the grinning chairman of the solution seekers committee, as seen and heard in a secret video recording that was sent to our newsroom by one of the committee members.

The committee members are expected to table the report to the head of state when he jets back into the country. However, they are still grappling with how they will fire the tens of thousands of teachers who are currently in public service without facing irritating wrongful dismissal lawsuits. However, a new committee of experts will be formed to address this niggling consequential matter, after which the official government parrot will be tasked with breaking the news to the country.

Keep it here for all the details as the story unfolds.

Man caught on camera with torn underwear? - Blame the wife!

Why is it that when a man has a wardrobe malfunction, his wife is blamed for it? Don't men have eyes and working brains to check that their clothes are in order, and to notice that there's something off about their clothes before wearing them?

I have read many profiles of professional women and they almost always disclose that they wake up very early in the morning to prepare their husbands for work, then their children for school and lastly themselves for work. It is understandable that a woman would wake up early to get her children ready for school, but her grown and able husband? What now? Is he an impaired two-year-old who can't do anything for himself? I find it particularly disturbing when women have to take the blame for their husbands' sloppiness and even go ahead to apologise publicly for it, as is common when a male public figure has a wardrobe malfunction in full glare of the cameras.

From left: Josephine Michuki, Ida Odinga and Susan Mboya-Kidero all took responsibility for the wardrobe malfunctions of their spouses.

I remember last year when Nairobi governor Evans Kidero was photographed wearing torn socks at the launch of a new spa in Westlands, Nairobi, the next day, his wife, Susan Mboya-Kidero, took full responsibility for her husband's wardrobe malfunction, explained that it had happened because her husband left the house before she could approve what he was wearing, apologised to Nairobians for her husband's wardrobe gaffe, and vowed that she would not allow it to happen again.

Kidero was photographed wearing a torn sock

Nairobi News reported that Dr Mboya-Kidero said, “As many Nairobians know, my husband leaves the house by 5.30 a.m. each day, sometimes before I see what he has worn,” she said.

“I am putting stricter measures in place to ensure that this unfortunate incident is never repeated,” she said.

Before then, 10 years ago (March 2005), Josephine Michuki also had to apologise publicly when her husband, John Michuki, who was the member of parliament for Kangema and the minister for environment, was photographed at a public event in torn socks.

Michuki's torn sock as photographed in 2005

Today, the Standard published a photo of CORD leader Raila Odinga wearing a "laughing" shoe and though the bulk of the comments are dissing him as a person, I have seen a few people asking where his wife Ida was, in that she allowed him to step out with such a worn out shoe. Soon after photos of her husband in a "laughing" shoe went viral on social media, Ida Odinga came out to defend her husband, saying that as a fashionista, she would never allow her husband to go out in torn shoes and that Raila's shoe only got damaged after he bumped into a stone at St John's Everlasting Gospel Church in Imara Daima, Nairobi.

Raila's shoe as captured by a photographer from the Standard

This brings me to the issue of personal responsibility because in all these cases, the men never came out to defend themselves or make excuses for their wardrobe malfunctions, they just let it slide and watched as their wives came out to defend them, and to what end? It doesn't help that the media is always too quick to run to the wives for comment following such wardrobe faux pas by their husbands. Through such actions, the media, as part of society also acts as an enabler that keeps men from taking responsibility. It also doesn't help that the said wives are always too quick to offer an explanation when approached by journalists; they are not obligated to indulge them in this buffoonery, but they do. That aside, let's pause for a minute and think about this, if the shoe (or sock if you please) was on the other foot and a female public figure was photographed in torn shoes or whatever, would her husband take responsibility for that?

So when will men learn to take responsibility for their own actions and choices? This lack of personal responsibility also manifests when men cheat on their wives. Women are expected to take the blame for that: it is because you didn't do ABCD that he cheated on you. Even at bridal showers we are taught that you must do this and that: be a whore in the bedroom, a master chef in the kitchen, the best homemaker and your man will never stray; never mind that there are women who do all these prescribed things and their men still cheat. You'll never hear anyone telling men to do one thing or another to keep their wives from straying. It is almost expected that a wife will never stray because that is an abomination, but if the man strays, oh well, men cheat, get used to it!

Women also let cheating men off the hook too easily when they decide to attack the "other" woman. Why did she seduce my husband? If that husband-snatcher had not tempted my hubby he would not have slept with her! But when will the man ever take responsibility for making the decision to cheat on his wife? Never, because the wife and society won't let him.

It's not just about wardrobe malfunctions and cheating, there are many other instances in which we (women and society as a whole) don't allow men to take responsibility for their actions. We treat men like brainless robots who cannot be  held responsible for anything they do. No matter what a man does, we will always find a way to blame ourselves, as their wives, or blame his wife, for actions that he choose to take himself.

This is the 21st century and we need to rethink the role of women. Women were made for greater things than just ensuring that a man doesn't have torn underwear socks or clothes; surely a grown man can do that for himself! If you come late from your drinking sprees, don't cause a ruckus claiming that your wife has to be the one coming to open the door for you and warm your food or even make it from scratch in the wee hours of the night. Don't expect your wife to wake up at 5am to heat your bath water and carry it to the bathroom as you snore away enjoying uninterrupted sleep; you have hands, you can do it yourself. Please, stop acting like zombies; you are better than that. If you have brains, hands, eyes and all other body organs, they are at your disposal for a reason, use them!