A little slap goes a long way to tame a rogue woman.
I would never have thought how true this saying rings for many Kenyans, were it not for an incident last week. You see, it’s been a while since I came across a gender violence story that shook me up as much as the one of the Nyeri man whose wife hacked his face and left a jigsaw of stitches that bore the evidence too well. So I have been under the impression that gender violence cases had gone down, though my assumption was not backed by any science.
As I write this, someone is probably being clobbered senseless in a spate of violence, whose aftermath may not reach the media unless it is too gory to be ignored. Numbers from the most recent demographic survey remind me that almost half (45%) of all Kenyan women aged 15-49years have experienced physical or sexual violence. Of those who were ever married in the five years before the survey, 47% experienced physical, emotional or sexual violence. And three percent of women perpetrated violence against their husbands. (KDHS 2008/09)
These figures are too high for my liking, but I still entertain the romantic view that there is a type of man who would never lay his hand on a woman no matter what the circumstances. I imagined the Nairobi governor Dr Evans Kidero as one such man, but appearances do not necessarily make for accurate judgment; because last Friday, our dear governor Dr Kidero, allegedly slapped Nairobi Women Representative, Rachel Shebesh. Shebesh had stormed the governor’s office with a mob to demand for better pay for county workers. It all happened so fast and it is hard to decipher what really transpired, but there is a slap, the shocked cries of Shebesh wondering if she really has been slapped, and the arrogant answer of her assailant, "Yes, kwenda huko!" Different sides have disputed what happened. Kidero does not recall slapping anybody and I guess we have all moved on from there.
In the usual Kenyan fashion, there were a lot of jokes to be cracked about the whole scenario, which curiously looked like a scene from one of those Mexican soaps or Nigerian movies. Then there was the debate about whether Shebesh deserved to be slapped after all. One side argued that no matter the circumstances, the slap was not justified. The other side insisted that she brought it upon herself and that it was long overdue – this loud-mouthed and irritating rogue woman ought to have been slapped back to her senses a long time ago; heck, they would do the same if they were in Kidero's shoes. Someone added that he had never heard of anyone dying from a slap, so he couldn’t understand what the hullabaloo was about. Others wondered why there wasn't as much outrage when people like the former first lady allegedly slapped a government official. All in all there was a lot of justification for beating up a woman as illustrated in a storify I compiled titled: It's ok to beat up a woman if...
I found these attitudes, from both men and women who insisted that a 'rogue' woman like Shebesh should be tamed, very disturbing. More so because they were coming from the people I least expected to support violence of any kind – be it a little, harmless slap, or a heavy, senseless clobbering. Those who stood up for violence, were not necessarily the usual culprits I have in mind, every time I read a report on GBV in Kenya. Such reports usually cite culture as one of the reasons violence, especially against women, is still rampant, but I usually associate that with images of uncultured, hardcore traditionalists, who believe that women and children need to be beaten into place, lest they veer off the path of submission. They believe that beating up a woman is the normal African thing to do.
Now, in my mind there is a sharp contrast between them and an educated, urbane and well-exposed man – the latter would never lay a hand on a woman because he cares for good taste, has manners born of sound upbringing and education, or so I thought. After the Kidero-Shebesh incident, I have had to discard that notion because it seems the belief that there is a certain type of woman who deserves to be tamed with slaps and blows that put her firmly back in her place is very alive, deeply-rooted and widespread, even among men and women I wouldn't think would harbour such attitudes.
I do not condone violence against women or men, because I believe as civilised grownups, we should have figured out how to take charge of our emotions and deal with conflict in a mature way – there is no place for emotional outbursts and violence on the table of well-bred adults. And just like the Constitution in Article 28, I believe that every person should be treated with dignity and every person has the right not to be subjected to violence from either public or private (domestic) sources – Article 29(c)
Unfortunately, it seems we still have a long way to go before we get there.
"Women's forced subordinate status (both economic and social) makes them vulnerable to violence and contributes to an environment that wrongly accepts, excuses and even expects violence against women" – NPCD policy brief 26, SGBV in Kenya: A Call for Action (June 2012)
